i Got The Concept &made Into The Conclusion

Long lost road; i found

2012-01-23T06:04:00.000-08:00

Long lost road- How heaved been love nor as world getting busier and busier until the day has forgotten. I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. From one of my checklist in 2012 ; is wish theres less sadden nor shall i don't blame the scar i had on me. Everything i know the loves almost gone in my life. Lost of my own of humanity between the lines, somehow you just couldn't fix. It took lots of months to fix and yet i did. Its fixed comfort and tightly. Shall it be unfix again? nor i am being to afraid again before to open the door. The only feeling of real loss is when you love someone More than you love yourself ..

We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.

~Jane Austen~

The Water of Dragon in 2012 it is just wonderful how i felt. (dont know why?) Everything is starting a luck in my life. Met new friends therefore I loved the surrounding of my friends, i loved surrounding of my family by keeping me support, and i love the surrounding of my life right now. How i wish, what i wish, and i wish Lord please please please listen to my last birthday wish. For all these years starting since i was studying and moved here; all i think is to get my ass studied hard and work to get a better future. Until now, what i have become being busier working hard and rarely to seen my parents. I used to talk a lot with mother until then doesn't matter anymore.

I like the idea of being whoever I want to be

Being College life still the same even though right now i am being the senior yet i being too self rhythm alone passed. Oh well, last sem (just wanted it for so long) Have been working in Party Play for ONE year! Dayum, cant imagine for that but hell i love this job somehow. Being with them its just like my family; cause i spending my time more with them. Learning a year quite an experiences what i had .. Going into pastry side baking cakes and doing some pastry damn its just making me super and excited to learn all those stuff. I remembered i tried to bake a cake for mom, but i fail. Turn out that sponge cake into some kind of a hard solid biscuit. LAUGHS! hahaaa!

Grandmother of my mother side; keeping asking me to get a guy. And i was like -,- the hell? grannie, i am too ugly that no one even like me swt. Then i explain to her i have being busy working and studying how am i suppose to get one? Even if i got? i dont think i got the time to spend. Second, i am tooooo young to have one; and i rather to working hard than wasting my time with a guy just for a awhile. I AM JUST 20? Dayum! proud being 20 huh? hahahaa! Aaaand, theres the story.. Grannie laughs and hit my head- i was like -,- the hell *again* She told me to find a dragon year. She seriously believed all those stuff nor shall im not really but why not? Dragon?? well i pass.

Stay awhile and rest my feet. My soul everything is in Arts. My thoughts build my mind like a puzzle.

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

Running on December

2011-12-17T01:23:00.000-08:00

So i just dye my hair not long ago. What do you think? its green brown in colour. I just love it! Hello creature! how are ya! Its been awhile. I know right? well have been quite busy for this month of December, spending my holiday working to get my money back. And holding my lazy ass here. yea somehow i am just being lazy staying at home acting like a BOSS. haha.. Save it shit, no club for me for now. Not worth it. Rather to hanging out with my ladies laugh out loud and catch up some movies. That part always enjoy my time. Never got bored with it.

Dorin 19th Birthday. The one who wore pink shirt inside. Well officially we all turning to 19th and 20th soon. Man years passed so fast. Say m crazy; but i think im getting old and looked old. WTF. Anyway, well Such pity dorin have a bad day for her special day. She sick on her birthday. Fucking sick. so turns out our plan cancel and plan to another day. Its just sucks. i know right? we pull her out the next day and celebrate like bitches. Made a chocolate mouse cake for her.

well looks christmas cake huh!

Another gathering with my ladies. And another celebrate dorins birthday. Her admire wanted to celebrate so i just being a support in both side. Well i got no more to say actually. But recently it aint easy, but i got it try. I can feel the sadness even when i smile. All those things. i just cant erase but i forgive. Fuck that sometimes. Half more year to go; and im off to invisible. Stories about stewardess ... Still holding on. Gonna meet Eveline maybe on Tuesday. We already made an appointment. She coming kk 18-21st so i gonna get ready. Ofcourse m nervous!

One perfect picture. My ladies! But not perfect enough for me. Something/ someone is missing in this picture. Trying to fix things but still running round and round. I just dont want to hold it back. Thinking to asking her to join, but its just awkward ..But i think she is better right now by not having us. Right on. got to go..

Half of my yearss to December

2011-12-04T08:53:00.001-08:00

Creatures! how are ya? I miss my town. might be starting snowing i guess? In the month of December always been a very special and loving memorable month for me. Love, peace and joy came down on earth on Christmas day to make you happy and cheerful with the people who you loves and around you as well. Forgive the passed and try again the new year soon to build up. I will continue to cheer and congratulation whoever around me. Am not to compete in life with others but to try harder and believe marching on. Wishing all of my creatures have a blessed month for now.

Somehow i tried to hide and lied. Somehow i felt guilty i lied. Somehow i wish to tell the truth. But people to attend not to believe. Telling lies just made a simple stories 1,2,3 and done and i dont need to tell the long passss years in my life what have happened. As for me? my face, my skin, my hair, my eye and my look? Yes i do believe somehow i looked local. But unfortunately im not really one of it. To be true my parents are born in Malaysia. Stories behind the scenes are made into history back there, it is just hard to notify to tell why i am in this town. Sorry for those who i told lies but hey? at least youre not curious on me. How i wish i'am not in here right now. But i have to bear it. Even i am not quite confident with my future where am i going to lead but its better just to marching on. Looked the Album when i was a little. And looked i am standing my own right now; its not that hard isnt it? To earn money? Starting build ur own life? Think twice? Anyway, *out of topic* Check this out yo matess\

I know right? how cool is that?

I had Fun yesterday going out! Doesn't care where i am but im in love with the day! November to December. I have finished my short sem passed few days. I felt so released after my FINAL. But worries me for 2subject. Just hoping i'll pass for god sake. College changed the rules and regulation its just not fun anymore. No tips and no retest. Dang. Well, working in morning shift are just awesome to me. Night day' you can be the man yo! Going out having movie, dinner, ice cream and shopping for a night :) Too bad i cant buy any cloths only got a chance to see and touch. Sad case! i am broke! -,-' *help* I have to get my money back on work! Anyway, Arthur Christmas is not that bad. But stories are still the same *Happy ending* tadaaa~ nothing special yo. But its good to have a laugh in this movie. Not bad. I am waiting to watch Twlight! Me and my works mates planning to watch together after we got our salary. HAHA! we are just broke. loll So i am looking forward on next week!

Ah~ my Lovely wall in my room! Wish i have a bigger wall and i can draw i bigger one! Art it awesome. Dont you think? Everywhere you go, its art. Youre shirts you wore? youre boxer? loll. Well half way to go though. Gonna buy another black marker -,-; And i thought mom gonna kill me if she found out. I work morning shift today, and i dint plan to go anywhere. Staying at home feels the wind and rain ; Relaxing. So, mom went in my room and have a little chat. She saw i was painting the wall. Was a quite shocking to her but after that, speechless. She talked about my birthday and i told her theres no need to celebrate and i might end up working. Dont tell anyone its okay for me.

In the month of December? serious theres a lot of my friends and families birthday. Even include my BOSS! Muhaha! I am going to Flush water to him no matter what. Might be the first one for me to do that i think. My works mates dont dare and scares if its somethings happened. But as for me? 40% feel the fear for him. And other 60% we are just like dudes-,-' He is a great person. *laugh* believe it or not? i told him that sentence before.

How can i escape this? I got the poison in you. Tell me its not real

Again, i am afraid. I am afraid to be burned. But with this right now?

I can see the bright side. Breath in and out; Dont confused.

Reflection

2011-11-24T09:58:00.001-08:00

I was just playing my piano to fill my soul out to make it better. I dont know hows it sound but makes me feels good. Even doesn't sound so good in the melody. Wishing something but its just isnt easy. Sigh* what would i say? or what should i say? Just let it be going until the last breath i take.

I used to not to be ashamed to look in the mirror of myself, but now i am afraid to look the mirror of myslef just like a monster. I tried so hard to fix my face. It was totally changed a lot before and now. Looked of myself only in the dark. I cant looked in the bright side. I hide myself everyday and stuck inside my room sometimes.

I missing my grandfather. Looking back my old album in the other day. My brother called me by asking me to take his old album pass to him and we meet later on. I mean my cousin brother. I dont have a brother lol how i wish i have a brother. Anyway, Hell ya looking back the old album makes me feel so sad. I looked so happy when i was a little kid. But when i am a grown woman, *its nice* but its hard. No more happy smile on my face. Seeing myself in the picture at my town darn i am so happy. Playing with snow? Christmas is soon commming. I can feel the spirit of Christmas*smile* The most special day and month for me is on December. Well who doesn't like december? everyone like it too right ? But years goes by; i think this year might be a plain month. Even my birthday goes as well. I dint plan to celebrate only acting like normal days. I never thought my birthday is my special day honestly. Only bringing me sadness and disappointed.

Check this out;

I know right? how fit my grandfather is! 6Paxs man!
look on the left side is my grandfather.

Darn wish i have the motorbike!
This is the coolest bike ever since that year!

Good looking! so handsome

A night and the times goes

2011-11-21T01:31:00.001-08:00

Okay? so this is just great! Prom night. First time in my life. Back to 70s century and i dont have the spirit with this cause im not interested. Why i am going is because why i dont give it a try ? since its my last sem in college next year, once in college. Even i dislike this college so much who knows i change my mind.

Well the function start at 6pm and tonight is the day. I knew the it was today. But i being busy and then i dont have the time to plan what to wore for the prom. It was damn rushing. Taking my off day in the same time for prom. But for the time, i using the time for sleeping until afternoon 2pm. Wake up having my breakfast and lunch, like normal chillax day- hand on with my lappy. Listening music side on my bed *then* i falling a sleep again. Hey? Its monday! I dont feel like doing anything. I need a break to sleep all day long at home. Its killing me all day working, studies and face the world. Some how telling the truth, I feel like im dying inside my world but just have to stand to face.

Yesterday I AM SO DAMN frustrated and tired! I working whole day morning until 2am midnight. My stupid head chef in pastry kitchen are seriously damn idiot! Sorry to say, but its true. I dont talk to idiot. Its just making me more depress and then feel like i am an idiot too. He suppose to put me shift at night. And then he want me to change my shift with him, cause his shift are morning. So i say okay. Then I wonder why? yesterday is Sunday. might be a lot customers, but why he put two people working but not three. I though someone are coming to work at 6 to replace me. So when my time almost arrived, and i was ready going back home. Then i ask is there someone going to replace me? *asking while I was doing order for customer* he said no. I looked outside and theres a lot of customers and reservation in the evening time. But somehow i think they can handle working. Not that much customers but my heart says i have to stay.

Before the day; General cleaning already mention early held on sunday after every customers left. We wash, we sweep, we clean, we brush, and everything! Back home around 3am! But it was fun when the people are fun with. Me and service crew were playing soap and the manager pulling my boots hanging on the tree. What the Hell, i know right! Thats insane. After everything are done, we going for supper at Salim. Everyone hungry like a beast! 9 people cost you RM60. That was expensive.. Its salim. i dint know how expensive it is. My supervisor spend us; Should be thank him.

Okay~ so this is what i wore for 70s prom night. Does this looked like 70s to you? Im not so sure either! My mom and my both sister help me out. HAHA thats funny.

The prom night was okay i guess. nothing much for this event only performance singing. The picture i took is both of my lecturer. Chef alex and miss nelly. They own the most 70s outfit. I got the coolest awesomeness chefs in my life! Every of my Chef; they are awesome!

I know right? i got to fix my face! Really hard for me nowdays to keeping up just have to care about my face. Its hard for me to face the world. I have to work inside the kitchen no matter what. If i quit the job, i cannot survive. But one reason, why i should quit the job? I still love working there.

One of my chef asked me to join them and work there. I love to. But how? i mean, boss trusted me and i gave my life here working with full of strength and trust. How can i let go so easily? How can i just drop out and not knowing what happened next? Party play gonna opening a new place at ctmall. Boss might be still looking for vacancy. I seriously got a lot to think in my mind right now. So confused.

And then about stewardess are more making me getting confused! Grandmother really wanted me to join in. She said she will pay half of it and i pay half for another. Mom said gave it a try which means she asking me to go as well. Sister said first you have to heal youre face. The airline called me again when i was working. Before i choose to culinary course, I have a lot in my mind thinking what to studies, what to learn and what for my future? I thinking to become a stewardess before, but i dont swim! I hate water and i scared of water. Even i love the ocean so much! Final exam coming soon on 29th of November. Study break right now and i hav start to do revision. Just great.

I got to stop eating sweets and ice cream from now on, like right now. Feeling my lovely teeth are in pain. But they keeping me alive to eat junk foods by stopping me smoking in the same time. And i am glad i get over the cigarette. And starting to hate it.

Im gonna leave this town again someday! Will see. Getting out of Malaysia is the biggest dream in my life, since i moved here. I want to see the world. I want to meet different people with different skin colour.

little black tik tossss

2011-11-14T22:16:00.001-08:00

Finally~!! I am done with my assignment and i can get some rest and no more worries! Thank god i am still alive. But still feels like shit today, even today fill my mood. Class cancel ''again'' and group assignment are seriously shit. The mood making me down when i knew the problem. Doing in a group assignment seriously are sucks so bad. I know the way i talk like a badass right now, i dont care. I got the right to say. Even they doing their job in this assignment but still doing it wrong with wrong information and then we have to redo it back. Sigh* Well guess what? today have to pass up and i dint bring my laptop then i arrive college its just like wasting my time. I can sleep until in the afternoon like a pig. *well u know i hate waking up early* Anyway, so i have to drive back home and redo the assignment in 2hours included printing those stuff. After that I have to drove all the way to downtown again. Twice! not the first time, but a lot of times! This is bullshits! Tomorrow presentation. Yes i Love to present infront of my mates and lecturer/Chef, but Chef changed the time for tomorrow 2.30pm and i have to work. I cant make it to present. And i think its better to let others to present since they dint do anything for the assignment folio but only me and another guy. This is called fair.

Today weather quite strange. Heavy rain in the early morning *feels good!* then sunny in the middle of afternoon*feels warm* after that night bringing the heavy rain again *feels cold!* I don't understand the weather, isit they are crying? might be a lot people sad even the sky in heaven probably. My time to rock my day today. Again my off day today. Im lovin it. But still makes me feel tired, spending my time at asia city finding some stuff and i realized that Asia city quite a lot of store/mall dint expected it will be there. They got one store all are selling about phone. Their phone screen, speaker, cool earphones and etc.

Then walking thru one office called Exclusive marketing representative quite help full too. It is all about they helping you to find a good college/University and will see the students what where they wanted to. If i knew they were here i wouldn't be studying here i think or i wouldn't be studying at Ati. And then when Ms.Luann explain everything for me, i have a little sense of regret. But its okay. I'll move on. Even if i wanted to go Arts school/college/university badly i just have to treat that as my hobby in my whole life until the last breath i take.

Well, Here i am again. Back home doing assignment like hell girl. Tell you the truth i hate doing assignment with group. Only making you hard and more work to do. But im strong, i can do it.

See! the cloth! I love love love this coat so much! I have two of them. One with while grey and this. Makes me feels like im in Auckland again. And makes me feels so comfort.

Oh man! guess what??>>>>

I dreamed im working with both of them and i was so happy! But seriously i love to see Tyra Banks when i was a little kid. I always watched American Next Model in every season. She is just awesome inside and out. Shes crazy but beautiful. Sigh* how i wish to meet her and working with her. Somehow i wished to be a model but i dont have the guides on doing it. I joined before once but then i quit. First of all, i dont wore heels. Then i dont know how to walk perfectly with heels. After that i dont want people looking at me or staring at me all day.

Well well well. Look what we have got there. A symbol of Peace in 70s century. Guess what? This the sillyest things i never done before. Since im in a last sem, why not giv it a try for going DnD prom night. Their theme have to be 70s century. And cost you RM50 student and RM65 not student. Im gonne dress like a punk peace but i dont have any shirt like 70s. Even my mom too, but i dont think they keep it anymore. Why not ? i will continue trying.

Will see about the stewardess how it goes. Before two or three days i having a look only for this airline. Then this morning i send them a mail talking about my info. Then unexpected they will called me immediately in the afternoon.

Well right creature. Sleep well i'll stop there.

Im in heaven :)

2011-11-13T07:55:00.001-08:00

Oh my.. i think im in HEAVEN!!! Keeping my life now days, rocking me on. My my.. Seems like nothing that i can do, i cant stop thinking about you. Its sounds might be a little crazy but Thank you to knowing you and i am glad to meet you although its seems stupid at first.

Anyway, whats up creature? Well i have been busy like old days on studies, classes, assignments, working and meeting my friends once a week or maybe relax myself for shopping and movies. I have been used to it in my life going on and on. The pain and scars its just left me behind. I am glad. Today is Sunday. I remembered every Sunday i was a little kid and my sisters as well, ''we'' include mom and dad went out, family day having breakfast then shopping and movies and back home watch Tv or finish my homework. Now, changed so much. Not even once we have this kind of activities going. Everybody are getting busier in their own life. I miss them sometime because on weekdays i have to go college early then back home direct work until late at night everybody a sleep until the next day and the rest of a day. Different to say when my off day. But i went out for catching those new movies. Only seeing each other awhile and then that's it.

The part i hate the most when you already ready with all your strength to get on class in d early morning since you HATE morning classes so much but then the class cancel with no reason and did not inform early. Lecturer should inform the student early. Seriously? waste my fucking time and my fuel. Its downtown! My time is important for me and i have a tight schedule. Not like others out there having fun only got feed by their parents. Yes i am still, but i am learning bit by bit and i realize since i was a teen how hard to earn money from yourself. Its not easy at all. Its just fucked up when u heard they said cancel and you have nothing to do with it. So i used that time spending in college library doing assignment, homework, online, research and watch drama after everything i am satisfy.

Its raining since Sunday until now. What a sad weather. I understand why it is rain. Peoples world crying in each every day might because of something. Different country include our mode flows throu on weather as well. Lost someone in their side its just hard. I lost a lot. I am not trying to hide, I face them even if i dont what to. I have to face the world even if its hard. I just have to stand up, get up and dressed up to show the world i am a strong girl.

Put myself a make up on a bit and curly of my hair. Face are still the same. How disappointed, but i just have to stand it with this ugly pimpless. I just dont understand. Sigh* Wish will be alright someday.

The day? Interesting rushing

2011-11-08T09:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, so celebrating father birthday on 7 November at home singing Happy Birthday song, he is blushing! hahaha! While we are singing; my dog BB sing along too. I know right? Very funny with the moment. Very noisy but it was fun. Everyone enjoy include my dad. I think BB might know whats going on, and he is so hyper when everyone gather around.

Having Midterm today and i am ready for the exam. Guess what? -,- exam cancel. I was like what the Hell? Waste my time yesterday reading my notes *but its better, study at home. i don't usual study only comes to exam* Sir cancel the exam and he changed to assignment. Congrats i have more work to do! Which means in one sub; i have 2assignments to pass up before 18th November.

Well, i just have to face the wold no matter what. I tie all up my hair and just face with my ugly pimples. The aunt again; who clean the building. Say about my pimples but i just have to stand with my ugliness.

Got to say! Well done Irene. For doing assignment last minute even u take a long time off day and dint work. Things still the same. I dontknow. My time management are real show and i just not to panic. But lucky i have done half way for my Menu Engineering assignment and today whole day i force myself to finished. Back home print and going back college again. Chef said we have to pass up before 5pm. He can accept the assignment tomorrow but minus 5marks. What the Hell? no way for me of course. So here's what i do; finished it by today no matter what. Then i have finished. Moral half way to go as well. The more depress for me right now is ROM@Restaurant Operation Management. I though its easy than i though, but i have to think a lot in how to manage it. Help*crying* Costing profit budgeting? The most keeping my head like a dick. But I'm gonna asked boss sister to help me out.

Tomorrow is my last day of my off day. And i have to work on Thursday. I have to work even i still have things to do. No work i cannot pay things of my responsibilities i had on. Since my off day until now, what i realised i being a good girl. Swt am i saying myself good? -,-' i mean whenever after my class/college i straight went back home and work on my assignment and studies. Even when theres no class, im staying at home like a dog sitting in my room whole day. Furthermore, particular still my face are the same. No its not the same but the colour quite fade right now. And i wish i can sleep even more early for my beauty sleep. Still i cannot.

The worse in me is the hardest thing to wake up early in the morning. What a life! By forcing myself wake up in every weekdays its just tired me a lot. Thinking every is a wonderful day but still the same. Keeping myself joy and enjoy my life whenever i go. Makes me happy when comes to summer into winter soon. How i wish Malaysia is snowing. How i wish im in Auckland in my home wore lots of jackets layer by layer and wrap with my gray skarf drinking Hot Hot Hot coffee. Or maybe going out playing snow for awhile. Thinking winter soon, and my birthday coming soon too. Hmm, i dint wish for anything in this year. Was planed going a normal days on working only. What i see as for my birthday until now; nothing special. But the special is having a new year for a new better life.

It was before the storm. Feeling sad for my friend.
Will always remembered you my friend.

Traffic now days getting jam like HELL.

Mistakes into problems, problems into disappointed, disappointed into believer; Keep on track! *fighting***

2011-11-07T01:02:00.000-08:00

The previews page i post, wow my mistake when i looked it back again. I was too sleepy a mistake just made a word (award) sounds weird. im sorry. Should be ''Awkward'' loll

Anyway, My dads Birthday today and we are celebrating at night in Lucys kitchen place. It was at kepayan area. Well, not quite sure with the location address but just around kepayan. Dads birthday suppose to be tomorrow 7 Nov and we celebrate early. Mom just couldn't wait to celebrate and scare might tomorrow dad will be busy late home at night. She bought a cake and we sing tomorrow night, not tonight.

His 3little angles. Wonder why he dont smile -,-'

Well at least he smile abit in this pic. loll grandmother took
this picture and it was so funny.

Group photo

Happy Birthday Father. I wish i have something for you. But seriously? its very hard to find something a best present for you. It seems like i giv everything. Still i dontknow what else. Theres a Fung Shui cost me around Rm88++ for one small pieces of golden fish that makes more of his work better. But i bought my own cost me abound RM70++ so i dont have enough to present him. Maybe next time, i got to buy for him.

I though today; gave me a great day. I though today will be fun day. And i though today will be just fine. But some part went wrong. Horrible, Disappointed, Sad, Nightmare, Unexpected, EVERYTHING. Why? Why? Why??? Sigh* i am so down spirit right now even if i could be more stronger, its just so hard. Friends ? Do you think is important for you? Think about when in this world, theres no friends... it would be no sadness and joy. And everyone will be lonely.

I just lost a friend. A friend of mine who, we always taking rude together, playing around, slap my hand and i slap hers back with anger.. She always laugh loud and talk loud. She used to be my sisters ex. Sigh* i know right? Even they are separate on their own ways, but we still a friend. We still seeing each other and talk like a dick. Tell me its not real? I just lost a friend in my whole life. Unbelieved. I just cannot believe. Mom knew her, And we include my sister visit her black parade tomorrow afternoon. Sigh.

I also just lost another one of my best friend. Lorna.

Its not lost but lost contact. We dint talk since that accident. Because i knew the moment when i reply her and we will argue into one big mistake. I know its only a small little thing, but seriously she is just too much. I just dont think its better to argue such a little thing. Being too much in a kind of person its just an evil inside of her and saying stories to everyone include fb status .. I dint post or saying any. One rumours, everything started to became a monster. I have the right, and hers too. But i will never being wrong cause i got the prove to say. I just let it be then just make it be. Taking rumours around it is just a shit. I dont care anymore, just let me be a bad human then. She would not dare to sit my car and her.. dad? i know what exactly he are going to say. As for her? Lost a friend in her life, its nothing. Everything i done for her until whatever years, days or months,? i am being kind of a friend to her. I do not know she appreciate it or only a wind passed by. Whenever she got some problems and we tried to advice and make her feel comfort, she talk back with anger trying to said like we are wrong. Everything in her life right now is her boyfriend. Number one in her life not her friends or her families. Im not trying to rumours around and talk bad. Its just disappoint me.

Work? I dint work for almost 1week. Today having general meeting after everyone closed. And i though like usual with major and minor stuff. But seems this time are different. Boss are getting more serious and tough and i understand the situation. Problems are always is a disappointed. I feel very bad and i cannot accept myself from the mistake. I guess boss are very disappointed on us that he trust even me as well. I promise wont happened again and i wont make boss disappointed again. I know my mistake i just cannot let go cause that's embarrass me, my character. I know i am not like that. Maybe that time i was in a wonderland dreaming thinking of something then i was making the order to the customers and i did not notice the food quality. I have been working for almost 1year. I appreciate boss very much. I thank boss very much. Very glad to met him. Because he made me until i became a self trust in myself all the way. Without him before, i do not know where should i stand right now. So, he is just like my step father i can say. After general meeting i went back home and saw hes online and i chat with him for awhile. I said im sorry. Then he replied know ur mistake its better than sorry. After that he told me some stories and i was speechless cause i dont know what to say anymore since i am disappointed on myself too. But i hope in the end will be more even better and better.

How can i face the wold?

With this face?

sad

The awkward moment

2011-11-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

Have been the dinner. And it was so awkward when everybody arrived. My cousin, far far cousin and i only got to meet them twice over how many years. loll can you imagine ? we sit together then with speechless like strangers. But somehow it was okay, my grandmother big brother and others are funny with jocks. We introduce, they asked what im doing lately in my life. And i said im still studying in college. As in what? they asked, everybody looking at me. Dad was sitting different table with his mom. My mom went to KL for seminar so she dint join in. So, in that time i was alone, on my own to answer everything. My both sister couldn't join us due of things to do.

But the point is, i told them as in Diploma culinary arts. And then half working. What i feet quite nervous but still confident. They seems to be very interesting and ask me go for it. Don't give up and make a better future. I talk about my competition too. They said its just a experience and someday u gonna going back nz or out of Malaysia you for sure will get it. Its just only my first step. My heart smile i got a support from. My whole life, all the way until now.. i still don't know isit the way.

We always believe what we want, what we dream of.

Ah~ i have to continue wearing my retainer in every night! I forgot to wear almost a week. When i wear it today, damn its pain again. I told you before isn't? I got braces before since 2009 until 2010 for only one year. Teehee... See how beautiful my teeth is right now. Only upper teeth the mistake is. I always make fun with my teeth when i with mom, she got fed up and asking me to fix it. Darn.

see this? My lord! how my face could be so messy right now! Sad* how how how.. i miss my face! i miss my face with no pimples no scars no nothing! how can i face the world with this horrible pimples. Its worries me right now. I drink a lot a lot and alot of water in each day. You can see the difference before and until the day right now.

I even don't dare to face my own in a mirror. I don't dare to face the human on the street in this world. I don't dare to face anyone. And i rather to only walk and look down the street or ignore the human around me. Surrounding with my lovely darlings are enough for me to keep it up myself. Its comfort me whenever i go and clam down my heart.

You know, i was noisy and naughty playing around with mates in last year last sem. But right now i feels like no more. I don't feel like going and hanging with them like a dog follow them whenever they go. Only causing me to waste my time for doing nothing and waste my money. Its better on my own in peace at library read books, searching and online. Theres one aunt who always clean the college building, i always greet her when i saw her. She asked me one day, why I'm all alone always when i saw you? And then 1minute passed; i was speechless before cause i dint know what should i say? ''Because it better to be alone, and don't waste my time with some craps out there'' i said. Then i left and smile. Well, they are not craps ..only doesn't match with the conversation we had.

Shit, i staying all day at home doing my assignment like a dog! Sitting there for an hours until night. My god, my brain gonna fall off. Time is running out and i got to finish on time no matter what it takes. Its killing me... but with my music the soul built me up in a lovely day.

What come around, it goes around

2011-11-04T03:06:00.001-07:00

Maybe we are less than our dreams, but that less would make up more than some Gods would dream of.

How many of out daydreams would darken into nightmares, were there a danger their coming true?

After i back home today in d afternoon. Bb came into my room himself, i was busying with my lappy and he jump to my bed and play. I know how its feels being ignore and alone at home whole day. Hes the best as for my accompany at home. I always giv him some dog snacks when i back home or i going out or maybe passing by him. He sit outside kitchen looking at me whenever i went to kitchen; you know what its mean? He want some snacks. loll *laughs* A smart cleaver dog. hahaa..

Looking at my wall beside my bed when i was lying and playing with my dog, I stick all of my drawings on the wall and i remember mom said sooner or later that paper gonna stick in toilet. HAHA well, i just cannot stop drawing. I have arts in my soul. If i had my own room it would be better to create more with my crazy imagination.

I was studying in class and suddenly i notice my leg.
Fucking weird. I have a long white fur ..see that? wtfreak

I went to 1Borneo again. Searching something for my own, and father birthday are coming. I planed to bake a cake for him but mom refused again. She dont want bugging me around. Having lunch and went to times and then looking around. I saw this pet shop. Their shop are so big and honestly? i love it. I bought some toy stuff for bb too.

Look at that cat! damn! i fall in love with that cat! She melts my heart immediately. Maybe im just lucky to meet this cat. I want it badly! i want to bought the cat. But it cost you almost RM2000 .. Do i have this number in my pocket? my bank? no i dont. Disappointed. But its okay; i hope this cat will be good in care whoever bought it. She only 3months old. Type of this cat, when she grew older her fur will be longer and flurry. Believe me; once you tough her. You will fall into pieces. Very playful whenever she seen people who passing by.

I dont usually like cats. Only okay for me. Not a favour of mine. But this.. How? i dont know. Isn't she cute? But my future pets will having a dog. The before pages i post.

Ah~! great snacks for filling my energy

to work inside my room whole day.

Made my day you cheesy roll

Elmo world! come to me today. lalala..

Anyway; gonna go for Eddys wedding dinner today. I dint went to his wedding that day due to competition. Grandmother asking me to get ready now -,- She wanted to arrive early ... What can i say? Old folks..

i watch the previous side

2011-11-03T05:55:00.000-07:00

Rain always fall when feeling inside of me are empty. Am alone again, at home. And its raining outside. Comfort with the cold&fresh atmosphere. Wind going in and out makes me feel like home again. Doing my assignment and Restaurant Operation isn't that easy than i though! Really hard and a lot work to do. But in the same time i need to relax myself. I hoping im doing fine in midterm test and final. Somehow? i wish i could just disappear from the earth. Vanish. My weakness; i have to hide and destroy it no matter what it takes.

Midterm finish next week. And i was shocked, Menu engineering exam i wrote 2pages full of essay. This is crazy. Anyway.. College again *sigh* know by now we all learn everyday. As for human walking around have their own life; different life; different ways.

Lovers whose hearts never could quite forget.

Its just creeps!

Few days ago, something went really wrong. Grandfather got mad at me. And blame my mom. Because? Cause of my face. I dint know and fucking no idea whats wrong with my face. They (the pimples) -,- keeping growing more and more. And it hurts! Its not my mom fault and i feel so sympathy for her. Grandfather blame her causing dint taking care of me and made me became like this. No. Its not. Mom did taking care of me. Theres nothing you can do with it when such thing happened. How you suppose to clean it? As for me, i wash my face 3 or more times. I drink almost 2/3litter of big bottle everyday. I ate the med everyday (sucks) i drink the things mom asked me to. Whats should i do next ? i have tried everything. Sleep early? i will try but when comes to work .. talking about work, working inside kitchen im not sure isit will effect my face.

How lucky i still have mimi beside me. Talk, laughs, and hanging out with. Without her i just dont know what my life will be. Yes, i have friends too but its just friends. They are not a true friend. I have once and i dintknow what is going on right now. Alone doesn't mean theres something wrong. I dont mind being alone. Mom went to KL today this morning for seminar. I just knew and she seems so happy. Im happy to see mom smiling. I know shes carrying a heavy hearts all these years. She rise me until now; how strong she is. Father .... how would i describe? its not his fault and i understand. I love my both parents even i rise my own right now.

2011-11-02T01:29:00.001-07:00

i wanted to giv up on life badly, i want to giv up on studies and work.

Trust in somebody

2011-11-01T03:45:00.000-07:00

Trust on somebody is the hardest thing to believe.

Whats on my mind and soul i built

2011-10-31T09:32:00.001-07:00

Silence holds lots of words

2011-10-31T08:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i might think i am being too arrogant to strangers and everyone.
Even know them, only a smile.

What would have been. What would have done.
The days passed and the day is already arrived. Lots of human walking and looking to my nerves in my body. And lucky i can control the nerve. I am not trying to win, i am not trying to lose but at least okay, i am not trying to be proud, i am not trying to be good as anyone else. I am here to try and give my best to work things out of myself. A dish of my own creation and presentation not only hanging or holding in somebody hands all the way. I learn and i show. I did learned something all these months. I learn the moral value and HR works. And now i understand. Although everything its not my fault but its better to let it be and keep it on silence; let them win. Even if they comes and attack and i will block to hold on my anger. The more i spoke the worse things goes just like before. Until in the end its just not worth it. Im right isn't it?

Mom support me all way until the end of my competition. Friends support me by sending me message until the end of competition. Im sorry guys, yesterday is the result. And i dint win. Sorry to let you guys down. But for me its okay although its disappoint me. Going to target next time. Trust me.

I dont think those Chef like my dish, cause it is too simple as fine
dining concept. They dint talk much, but as for my vege too less.
I should just follow up my own.

Me myself; i understand myself very clearly. When i told myself something, i will definitely keep my promise. No one can judge me. No one can ask me what to do. And no one can bullies me. Im tough, and i can spoil youre precious things if i want to. I can be evil if i want to. But now day by days.. I dont give a damn to respect anymore in this world. I dont give a damn to being a nice person anymore. I dont give a damn to have a sympathy anymore. What turn me into like this anyway? I dontknow... Its better to be silence. Theres no more longer the real Irene in this world. I am fedup of everything; Just wish. One wish. One. Hell fuck it guys, im not trying to be emo for god sake.

killing my time again at home

Things of my work, job, homework, assignment and exams are in last minute! Congratz to me for doing last minute work and studies. I am rushing doing my assignment(s). Four assignment, damn and i have to research and interview. FUck hell... I dont have enough time to interview. And until now my notes for this sem i dint print finish yet .. Grrr damn its killing me somehow.

Happy Halloween creatures! Well im not gonna celebrate much for this year. Its enough for last few years to celebrate. I just dont feel to celebrate in this year. Even my birthday day. I have decide not to celebrate and just let it be like normal days goes. Its okay for me. Anyway; i went to the bed that night on Halloween, one drink straight back home. LOL i know right? my Cousin are there crazy like hell. I become a nightmare killer girl who appear behind ur window when youre a sleep.

I love his sketchbook

The Birthday girl

2011-10-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

Meow; Good morning creature. Damn my nerve start to sweat my ass because of my competition! I am so freaking nervous. 3days to go. But yet i have to face it no matter what. Fighting fighting fighting! Mimi came back from her trip at KL since monday and i went out to grab some breakfast in the early morning at Wan wan yesterday. >w< delicious! we always have so much to talk even we always meet. Anyway, Happy Deepavali to all who celebrating their culture.

I work only for half day due to my Grandmother birthday. She is 65 right now. I dint realize she became so old already yet she still look Strong. I want to bake a cake for her but mom refused because she dont want me to do a lot of things. So she ordered from my friend; lol its a durian cake. Most of my families love durian. Include my grandfather and my father. I dint see them for awhile and yesterday dinner was awesome. We sang in the restaurant *laughs* very funny when grandmother are very excited to cut the cake. We sang finished and she straight cut the cake and we all in a panic mode said no~ make a wish! dont too rush HAHA! She stand up and make a wish. And everybody looking at her and us lol. We are in a restaurant actually. I forgot the name but its near to Tg. Aru plazza side. Its was my first time been there.

Well i can only capture a few pictures.

idontknow what this call but i love the Paw!

Finished dinner its time for the cake!

Super grandma start to cut the cake after we sang finished
but she hvn make a wish

The Birthday girl

Durian cream cake *tasty*

Purple cloth the birthday girl is my moms mom called jia po
Then the peach cloth is my dads mom called popo
So the picture shown my popo giv her angpau for her present
then my jiapo refused. they run and push and push LOL

Shes shy to have the angpau. And said i am so touched.

Here we are!

LOL! my mom dosent know how to use my phone to capture.
We took a lot of times of this. And look what i got?
the capture we hvn ready XD!

my grandmother doesn't smile when she took a picture
*weird* June lim, my big sister, the birthday girl, me myself and my second sister.
i only can find this picture not messy.

My mom and my Aunt. Its my mom little sister.

After dinner suppose to have a movie with my friends and cousin. But lastly changed plan. My cousin have things to do but yet since my friend cant watch late movie so we only grab some drink in Huge cafe. I enjoyed to have a drink with Sophia. We talk and talk for almost 1hrmore i think, if im not mistaken. After that i direct back home and see my dear lappy. My sister boyfriend fix it. i am lucky!

Cheese cake. The only one in Party Play. If you are looking for a delicious cake come party play. Our cheese cake are quite popular actually the texture is soft, creamy when u bite it, and then the favour inside are just excellent! You wont regret it, trust me. If im lying come and find me. Do you even seen a bakery shops or cake shops have this kind of cakes deco? So far i dont think they have but only in Party play. Party play have many different kinds of deco cause we have different people who deco it. We dont say it who and he/she the person only who deco the cakes and is a must to deco like this. But still we have to maintain the concept with the cake as well.

Look how amazing the people draw those big wall! i forgot to post out when i just saw this picture. It was at 1Borneo going to toilet. The both big wall are paint with colourful graphic design. Can you imagine ? Seriously i love love love! the walls. Check this out.

I know right? this is so COOL!

Tick tok! time is moving and i have to go..

Con cha na~

2011-10-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

I go for a walk at the beach to take some fine breeze today this afternoon after class. Two classes canceled and suppose to have a Midterm but the lecturer turn out sick. This picture i capture was at the side beach going to 1borneo. Indeed you are right, i was on my way to 1borneo for searching Times books. Gave me some idea, but Still hard for me. The competition are close and the nerve racking staring to sweat my ass! Help me! Well i hope im doing fine. I got a lot of helping hands and idea for my competition; i am so lucky and appreciate the helping hand guys. *loves* My Boss, friends/classmates, Chefs, Lecturer, and lastly my family. Thank you for the support.

I dare to wore a kind of fashion i want; to college and i dont care anymore to Discipline myself. What can i say now? I hate college life. Even now... i am fed up of everything. I am being even more and more hating you. Because of youre attitude. I dont even look in the mirror of myself for being like this and not taking care of myself, my face and my health. I dont care anymore. I just wish, one wish. And i thought i am though enough. Letting my mom worried just make my heart even more heavy. But i am putting everything of my anger down slowly by slowly. I used to be having a smiling and happy life.

Well life just goes on and i have nothing to do with it. Waking up in every morning; its very hard for me to face the world. And feels like you only wanted to lay down in the dark. Being a good person all day long sometimes its just not worth it. I dont understand why people like to be so Evil in personality since you dint do nothing. Yet keeps on going for them are having fun to see a person broken. Remember once broken never replace and you have to pay. You all will get the revenge i believe. I just hope. *laugh* the world LOVE. i suggest most in this world love turns out to be hate. Forget it.

As you can see the picture i draw; lol ... Speechless. Yesterday, i studying in my room and grandmother sudden came in my room and saw my drawing; she said, '''Why you always draw this weird stuff''' and i laugh... its is call Art. Anyway, lecturer are teaching and i was wondering alot. Darn i should pay attention in class. Having a short sem right now and midterm are coming soon. Aww >< tired! so fast. Plus i have assignment to research as well. Plus theres something wrong with my labby :((( sad* I hvn fix it. Cause i dont have a time to fix.

My future dog. I decide to have this dog since i was maybe in the age of 16. I though its the same dog like bulldog. But its not. Just found out the name is Shar Pei. I saw this kind of dog before and they straight away melt my heart. I will get someday when the time is right.

Am i ready for Festa competition? I have been practice hard for myself to get a right presentation and taste of food. My lecturer said its better to have some interesting dishes bring up to judges. But how can i? its my first competition. Honestly i dont care about winning but only if i tried my best and there will be next time for me. I will give 50% ready and nerve racking sweat my ass right now!

Hearts burned of mine.

2011-10-14T12:33:00.000-07:00

Tears save hearts from too much pressure. It share some burden of heart. When we miss someone automatically we cry to remember all moments that we spent with him. But things just changed. I am tough right now, but inside are in hell to get through with it. Everything is going to be just fine repeating to myself. Day by day passing by it is too much. Heavy heart makes you lazy, for relief in your heart weep little bit and keep your self fresh. And eventhough is far; but i believe someday faith brings me a real smiling life again. Just let it goes itself, i'll be strong like what i said before.

not good.

2011-10-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

I just cant face the mirror of myself.

A Plain Monday

2011-10-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

Right! So im carrying ms.frustrated and ms.executed this few weeks around me. Tell you the truth; its not easy! Hoping things gone out just fine. Yea' in the end the heart are in peace after i knew my result, know what to do on my competition (I try to learned myself more in cooking magazine), Planing things on myself to college for studies and assignment and work as well, And still i hope my family are in good condition. Something got messed up in my family these few days. Makes me sad* Grandmother always dont keep her mouth shut. Maybe because she is old; i dont mind. But she should understand. Sigh* Problems just cannot end.

Today my 1st class in Sem5. Not good to be back college! D; sad! My schedule on Monday classes are so packed! Morning 8.30am until evening 5pm. I know right? how crazy is that! Which means i have to take off on every Monday; still no relax time for me. Today i just got my assignment and i have to finish it, tomorrow sir have to see it. Remember i said i have a resit test that day? Guess what! I PASS! I am so lucky! And i thought i wouldn't pass. But i did. Joy is around my face that time and it is just like a miracle for me. Thank you God who listen my prayers. I direct call my mom, dorin, mimi and lastly boss. I dont know, i just feel like wanted to tell boss. Since he asked me not to give up and finish my studies. I have been working and studying so hard on this. But if i fail i wouldn't know what should i do. Mr.Ho are so good to me. He help me all the way until i finished exam. He help me pass my exam although i study hard. I really doesn't know how how how to thank him. Well i have to appreciate *love*

While i got time in college; i went to library all day long to search and studies the cooks, presentation on plates, figure out the shape and more. Yes, im alone. But its fun. I really learned a lot today. After class in d evening i straight went to Suria times to search more books. I dont really have cooks books at home. Only magazine. I bought 2new magazine from times. I love to read in magazine but not in one book. Dont know why. Still i got looked through the book sitting there until for maybe 2hours. After that i went to TongHing to buy food to practice at home. Went to ctmall popular as well after finished bought the ingredients. and then giant to buy finished the ingredient. TongHing foods are so expensive. I only went to TongHing to buy asparagus. (Laughs) Arrived home 8pm. Started to practice cook not bad at all. Everything went well! Will see what boss going to comment for my next dishes.

Have to finish my assignment by tonight before i went to sleep. Tired. Yes i am. But i'll try to stand. My pimples are starting to ruling my face *sad* how i wish it fade away. I understand; my hormone changing right now. So hopefully when the age 20+ of me will be fade. Right now i have to keep taking care of my face. Drink 1/2litter per day.

I really glad to have someone to talk with.

You made my day again. Maybe you might dont know

But i also doesn't sure. Will let it be then.

dosent worth it

2011-10-08T11:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being a nice/good person doesn't worth it. Its true. Although you keep it to youre self not to makes things worse or problems are everywhere. Its just bullshits. Then they are still bad that they still dint realized themselves. Maybe' but they doesn't care or ignore. They are way too much over. I cannot forgive them. I wanted to; but this time no longer my patient are staying. You will see; what is going to be. How i wish you got ur revenge whenever ur time has come . Dont you think you have a good life soon. There must be a revenge soon. Things its just going square again and again and again.

What should i do ?

2011-10-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

I want to give up. But i can't. People have the trust in me and i dont want to disappointed them especially my parents and boss. Yes. I am afraid. Dare to say out; i dont care. Yes. I should be tough. Everyone says to me. Yes. Its hard to first. I understand and then play hard until the end. I have so much depress and stress on going lately. I just couldn't put a smile on me lately. I got a lot of responsibility to made up. I've tried to think in a positive ways in a million of times. Sometimes shits happened just in front of you in a sudden its just sucks and makes you felt more giving up. My mom used to say; Dont give up for only one thing that made you everything falling apart. My life its just unfair. But i accept what God create me. Will i be able to success? If i got a strong trust in myself. I know.

I just hate my sister. I wish not to hate her. But shes too over much. I regret by treating her nicely. She just dont appreciate what i done for her. By giving her money that i work hard for. By spending things for her. She just dont understand me. Dont understand my work. Dont even understand how i feel. All she understand is her boyfriend. Everytime whenever i needed help and refused. Everytime when she needed i will help her. Sigh* I said to myself. Am i an idiot ? to treat her nice ? But she is my sister. I dont want to be such a fool anymore. Anything happened with her *EVERYTHING* i dont give a damn to care anymore. She only sitting at home like a dog! And i working hard studies and work, still she dont understand and appreciate me. I dont understand her thinking-,- Seriously. I have been patient for a long time ago. Nothing changed my mind and i have no sympathy on her anymore.

I have another test tomorrow. Wish me luck* Sigh* :'(

Face the world ..

2011-10-03T23:04:00.000-07:00

Depress. But im okay. i got a lot of responsibility on my side.

The war going and started; or going under

2011-10-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

Right. Gosh* i got a lot to blog. Sorry for being late to update my blog. I got a week to Kuala Lumpur for vacation with my friends. Anyway the point is before i went to vacation; i attend my cousins wedding on 23rd Friday night. *its friday! friday! Gotta got down o friday* -,- i dont even like this song; but somehow its right on my mind all day long! grr so annoying.. Joannas wedding at Sutera. Fantastic.

Theres the Bride. How beautiful they are. Such a sweet couple. I grow up with her and her siblings. I used to played with them since i was small moved here. U cant take any pic with Joanna cause she was too busy with others and her friends. There were so many people. I dont used to wore a dress. I dont used to wore dress alot. I dont used to buy a dress a lot. I dont used to love dress. So i wore it today; I give my best shoot. Well, i might not really looked good and im not really comfort in a dress. But seriously the girls looked fantastic. Honestly? im not trying to ba a good person. But they are really looked nice.

Look! Their appetizer are damn delicious. I just love their Small little Octopus. First of all; they are sweet! Second of all; they are chewy. Third of all; they are lil spicy to make the flavour comes together. Forth of all; they are so fresh. Everything turns out great we drink, we chat, and we laugh. And our memories videos played on the wall. Beautiful .

So staring the day on my vacation i feel half excitement and half sad because i dont used to going for a trip with my friends. I used to go with my families of members and thats comfort me very much. Honestly i am a kind with families. I mean i am more enjoy myself with my families. I have to taking care of myself whenever i am and i have to treat my own bone. Its kindda hard when my families are not around.

Well so the first day. Went to Air Asia in d afternoon. Me and my friends seat different numbers because we bought different flight. Then guess what; A Japanese guy sit beside me. How fantastic is that?? i know right? We did talk and laugh together at first but then we dint. I dont have the courage to talk in a middle part. But then at last we talk. We talk until we're landed and took out luggage. I got to say; not bad for him. He can understand and speck English pretty well Even though im not really understand him but not bad. When the time we say good bye we exchange Fb email for seeing him again. He is quite a nice guy. University student in chemistry class? how cool is that. He travel alone all the way to Malaysia. How brave.

So then we arrive the real Kuala Lumpur around night time during dinner time. We checked-in in out hotel called Season view. Well the most cheap price i can afford to stay at. Me and my families used to stay here for vacation. Not bad for season view. Quite comfort too and you got free vulture in every morning breakfast.

Next day my other friends are coming as well. Pretty much complicated to explain. But they are in a couple so different room. They arrived hotel midnight time and we are dead waiting them like a dead bug. Anyway, meen while in d early morning we going for Bukit Bintang, KK times, Sungai Wang, Parvillion and also Feirenhit. I know right. So much places we went in one day. Thats pretty awesome! haha! but I am seriously assaulted. Most of the time i enjoyed by travel myself in this area by knowing how and the way to goes. Some part i only going throu with shopping window.

Pavilion are getting much more improve and beautiful. Look. theres alot of dine and wine. Food and beverage. I just love to see and watch their restaurant and their menu. They have a lot of different shape of their restaurant. Totally different than others. Fantastic. But the thing is not a luge people went for eating there because they are in a shopping mall dosent makes the attraction to the people.

After that. i went to Sungai wang to have a Neck back piercing. Awesome! It was quite scarry at first but then it became very challenging for me. HAHA! looked pretty cool. check it out. I Pierce this for RM75 I know right? how silly i am. And that why you love me! hahaa

Night time! khan having her favourite durian after meals.

Night time! Khan having her favourite durian after meals.

She said. Dont touch my durian! its mine! get youre own!!! She ate one whole durian for alsmost for awhile. 3second finished. Super -,-'

Guess what i found! Youre rigth! A&W Its been a long time i dint ate him! and drink the beer! I remember i used to having this with my parents in Kota Kinabalau but right now seems to be disappear. I used to hold my dads hand in a sweaty mode. Dad hug me and ask me what to eat and mom decide for me. HAHA i just ate what ever i can. Because i dont know a thing that time.

Let me introduce ( ham zim piang) very nice! just beside the stress. Jalan Alor. They usually open they stall around arternoon until evening. everytime i passed by in d evening they sell almost finished and a lot of people eat it. Its fresh, crunchy, Can smells their eggs, a bit of sweet. Damn very delicious.

Here we go! genting time!!! I dont want to edit too much of these picture. I just love the green colour. They just made my life fresh and clam me down on my mind. I remember when i was in a high school. Waiting for bus to arrive. I always wait outside with fresh air singing alone. Mom always in the area of kitchen doing something busy herself by cooking and doing laundry.

Me and Dorin riding a flying dragon

Riding Skyway to genting For RM5 (not one way)

Everyone was getting too execited.

When i look at this little pony ride. I miss my family so much. I miss the way they laugh with me and playing jokes with sisters. Seeing a Mother bringing a daughter or son riding a poly remainds me of my mother bringing me and sitting beside me. But now i am big enough to taking care of myself and walk my own. I promise myself; When i grow up. I will be rich as much as i can. Be a good person as much as i can. I will gave my parents everything they are comfort for. I will buy their favourite dog who always taking care and play with them. I thank them alot. Especially my mom. Who always listen to me stupid silly stuff. and thanks to dad too who always brave me to face to world alone.

I remember when i was small. I play this all the time. Again and again and again. with my cousins. Never get bored with it. I played that once with my friends. They played 2nd time. HAHA. I cant get this too much with the spin. Cause of food poison i got in last 3days; I know right? I vomit 7times. and its hurts really bad. I went to Hospital and i miss my mom. I cried. I never been felt alone before in my life. And then i called my mom tears fall straight when i heard my mom voice. She dint know at first. I felt so sorry cause i fail her i dint take my self in a good care. I wanted to talk to someone. But i guess things just wasn;t work out. He was too busy to care of me.

Last picture in Ganting. I sleep in a bus awhile and then something woke me up. I dreamed of someone. and i cried so hard. I tried to stop. so i clam myself down. Everything is going to be just fine.

*as always i told myself*

I got alot more to update. Come visit next time! :)

1 October 2011-- Aquarium KLCC at last! I have been waiting for so long. I always dreamed going to klcc and aquarium with my families. But that day we seems to be rushing so we cancel our plan. So going with my friends nothing different. I enjoyed in every of my life. This is me.Irene; picture capture with an aquarium area.

Blue ocean, blue water. is just everything to me. Its very hard for me to explain my feeling for these. Grandfather was in the ocean right now. great grandmother were there too. They burned their souls and let them flow in peace to d lovely ocean. If i died. I wish i will be with them. And just like them as well. I wanted to stay in d blue ocean, green, brown, yellow and more colour.

LOOK! i got a lucky star. Damn i love this picture so much.

I know right? cannot capture.haha! but i want to

Me, dorin and khan

Janice and me. i Just love the aquarium !

Rarrrr! do we look the same?

My lovely Ocean tree.

My lovely Octopus !

Say wa~aaa~~

Piranha fish. haha! doesn't looked a like the movies. loll

When i was small, i believe in miracle. you know? some kind of magic, wishes. I believe threes a mermaid. I believe when u make a wish holding a coin and pour in the lake. I believe. Whenever i passed, i must i must i must and i will.

Seeing a grandfather or an old man bringing his granddaughter for this kind of place remained me of my grandfather. I miss him so much. I remember he bring me to buy a chocolate and ask me choose one. That is the only memory of mine and him. In a car sitting and only looking at his smile at me. Grandfather love the ocean. Even do i.

Here i go

2011-09-25T21:48:00.000-07:00

Time to goo! : ) Its time for me to have a good time!

I earn my own, i work hard, and i deserved.

I am happy with my own decision.

2011-09-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

You made my day Shine today. Thank you.

WtFreak.

2011-09-23T10:47:00.000-07:00

2more days to go. Here we go. Start your engine!

Ah~ a shoot for the last day exam in common room. This capture looked kinda arrogant to me. loll People said i looked fierce. They just dont get me. I dont mind. Most of the college students are from Philippines. Honestly, i hate. Maybe only a bunch of guys. They are too proud on their own and think they are gangsters. Well i dont give a damn. I aint scare. Exam door are locked until the time arrived. We cannot enter the room before the exam start. So everybody wait outside. I sit on the stairs read my book to feedback with my mp3. The lecturer finally arrived and unlock the door, then i walk in. The bunch of Philippines at my back side and then touch my shoulder with no reason. In the same time i was not in the mood. I look back with anger face, they acting like nothing happened. *sigh* kids!* Idiot kids. If they keeping on doing like that reached 3times, I SWEAR. i swear i'll shoot them. Everything in3times, even if its good or bad. I face the truth. Saying 3times and i swear is true.

Well i might be a silent kid in college. Im on my own. College? popularity? Nerd? Geek? Bookworm? Bitch? Not my problem. If they are them, but not me. This is who i am. I just dont follow peoples back track like a dog. Having breakfast, lunch alone. Doing assignment alone. After class im on my own to go anywhere i want or just stay on my spot where i always be. Its not i am bad because they dont used to hang with me. No. Its just me and my classmates are not linked. We are; with jocks, chat, playing around. Only in class sometimes. I ever have a drink with them and it is so awkward. Everybody are speechless. loll. Some students different course in college he asked me, why you are alone all the time? In one world seeing me. Thats so weird. I know right. I wish; i will just disappear and no one will see me. Even i dint know them but they do know my name. My dream about college are totally not same as i though.

So, i have to be patient finish studies and i cant wait to work in difference kind of place. I believe, i can! I can prof, i can be just like boss. I want to be just like my boss. In a success person. Although i giv up last time, Boss built me up. Thanks to mom too. And Mr.Ho my lecturer.

Im not going to say this but i wanted to. If one day? I died. Would you all, come to my black parade? Will you all miss me? Will you all send me a lovely flower? And will you all always remember me? If i died and fly up to the sky, i will always seeing you and protect you who whatever i loves and hates. I will always staying with the blink of stars. Dont be alarmed, its only me to let you know im near. I can sense that my time is come. I really do. I try to ignore it, but its keep comming back. *praying*

Dear Lord, our father in heaven.

I thank you for this day. I thank you i be able to see and to hear me.

Please keep me safe from danger and harm.

Help me guide in my daily life. Continue bless me that I may be a blessing others.

Keep me strong that I may help the week.

This is my prayer.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Here share to you all. Sure are lovely right? called without words. Damn i wish i have all of this kinds of music sheet. Must check out Roy Todd playlist. He got a latest melody. And it is so awesome! Beautiful like always.

Look look! im going for this when im in Kuala Lumpur. 2days to go!

I know this sounds crazy. I really love love love this piercing. Just hope everything goes fine. And i might going to Ink as well. In bobby place. Just around my shoulder. Wont be much notice will maintain the how big the shape as well.

I wanted to say. Mr.Er. Imissyou. End

Ouch!

2011-09-22T11:47:00.000-07:00

My my! Look what i have got -,-' I cut my own fingernail. I cant stand the feeling with my pointer finger on left hand side. Its hurts really bad.! even though a single bit of cuts right through you re nail, it really sucks! I can feel the pounding pain on and on going whenever i am doing my things. I cannot rap it on or plaster or whatever to cover it. Nope, i cant cover it. When ever things accidentally touch my fingernail, the pain is like hell! so i have to leave it dry and try not to make it worse. Even through water too. Damn. *help*

I gottcha; dont run

2011-09-20T11:28:00.000-07:00

You, come here. I wanted to tell you. *whispering*

I am so sick of you. Dont bother my life. Go fuck you're life.

Sometimes being a silent isn't good too, to rather i Shoot you *bang*

Problems problems problems. Some of those people have nothing to do with them and only makes things like a big problems. It is just annoying. Dont you guys have yours life? Dont messed with the wrong girl right here.

I just dont understand those bloody people(s) in d earth! Only yourselves.

Feel the boredness, Lousy monday

2011-09-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow test! Yes. Indeed i have finished study but i still need some time to feedback. Dang, i really wish days pass real fast! My line today sucks; Real sucks. Maybe the line dont gave me online and push me to study. haha loll thats insane. No working and i though i can rest more at home for doing nothing only study, sleep and eat like a pig. Seriously? I am gone crazy for the rest of the 4whole days staying at home. I have 2times nightmare and then woke me up. Shit i cant remember right now, but seriously creep me out! In the early morning i got a lots a lots of calls -,-' come on! Can you guys just let me sleep??? Total 6calls in the early morning. 3time asking about my accident car insurance thingy. Second, my beloved sister called. Then i have to call daddy to settle things up. And he called again. Lastly i think is my grandfather need to fix other car; light bub problems.

Wake up taking breakfast and straight to online just makes me feel the borednesss. Its just not me. I dont usually do that. Only my dad and my second sister will do. Makes me feels like doing silly stuff. I took my mom lipstick and try on it. HAHA loll! trying to be a woman.

Then things bump into my head again. loll can this get any away? nope, I love music! melody! and sounds! Love my piano the most! Its just a person who i remember in a sudden. Its been awhile we dint meet up, then in someplace we used to hang we meet again. This happened to everyone. Well i couldn't figure out some of these sentence. Anyway; i realised i got a changes to meet some of my boss friends quite awesome! *thumbs up* They are lovely and i found out that i couldn't believe i am one of their friends. Well we dint hang always like that; what i mean is a friend. I never have a kind of friends like them in the age more mature with mature friends. I mean, i got but .. not all. I usually hanging out with the same age like me and i dont usually went out with others. Same old friends i always with; Never gets me bored :)

Studying in d evening and its starting to rain. Damn its cold. Ice cold! my lappy just in front of me when i study. Rain feels good in the atmosphere and the fine air. Makes me have the confy to study.

I wonder before, what will i became when the age like them? I am seriously so excited to get in the age of 20+ .. Thinking when i became in the age of 23 or 25 will i change or still the same old me. Well, also in the part of my particular style and rudeness. When seeing those customers come with bunch of friends they are so independent that can manage themselves with their own life with out taking parents money. Honestly, i hate taking money from my parents especially my grandparents. I refused and i rather to work hard for my own. Cause i understand i wasn't born rich. I dont care, at least i have a lovely family always bringing me loves and support is enough.

Haha! i just need to stop saying Fuck you and rude words in front of anyone when i talking jokes. One day mom birthday, me and my sister are so damn busy noisy talking until i forgot mom and dad was in front of me. I spoke so loud 'Fuck you!" And then i stop. Sister stop eating. Grandmother eating like she dint hear anything. Mom and dad act like normal. LOL i mean, seriously? i need to stop talking those words. hahaa! Lucky they dint shoot me or i'll die hearing they talking craps. See i told you i was bored at home. Killing my time for Mcd at night around 11pm

I know right? Damn silly i took this pic.

Ready to go MCD! yayy! Feels great! Hungry!

Later back home gonna get some sleep and
then i have to wake up early to get study again.

Sad* I miss everybody

Proud

2011-09-18T10:07:00.000-07:00

I have to sketch whenever i got my pen and a piece of paper in front me. Im staying at home whole day. Im in my room for 24hr; but of course i went to take some foods and drinks bring along into my room. I felt like im a Hamster LOLll staying in the cage all day long. Exam is on next tuesday and i think i am quite ready yayy BUT i have a lot of formals to remember. Its purchasing. Counting stuff. Lord help me. I got 4more chapters to go. I can do it! Finished study around 1130 and guess what -,- i totally forgot i haven't have bath yet.

Anyway; ya -,- you can see the picture, just finished bath. loll Silly. i washed my hair and i realised daddy off to bed and i cant take my hair dryer to dry my hair. so i just wait till it dry it selves then. I felt so lonely today. Felt so different when i dint meet my friends only for a day. I met my friends every single day with laugh and jokes. But its still good i got a change to rest at home. I miss mummy and sister cause sounds like lots of bugs only singing at home. They went to KL since Friday evening. I dint know they are going to kl that time and lucky i called my mom to check out something then she just mention to me. Wow days passed so fast and i dint realised at all! I was a shock when mom and sis are going to KL. They Ink their tattoo in bobbys place. They got the guts to ink a huge shape in their body and im not. I wanted too, but i dont have enough money the problem is. Maybe next time. But i wont ink outside of my body that people usually can see. Maybe at the back of my body is enough.

I am PROUD of myself! you know why? Believe it or not, i am finally quitting cigarette. Yayy. *clap hands* I promised my mom i will quit and i did. Maybe sometimes i will but only in some particular club place. Eventually i dint take even one piece of cigarette since last months. Since the day i really fed up in everything and i dont want my life to be down and sadness that made you fall apart. Haha i know right. That picture was taken by my mom in airport. Not a long time though, its this year. Im not sure when is this. Pictures of smiling when i looked it back, how i wish i can have those smiles back. I'll built up soon. Dont worry :D Well! Well! Well! Gonna watch movie now. Alone with ice cream *again* dad download lots of movies. Im lovin it! Cheezz~ talking about im lovin it, makes me hungry! Remind me of Mcd. Sigh* maybe next time.. *crawling for mcd* See ya creature!

Things that go bump into my head and sing. loll

2011-09-18T00:14:00.001-07:00

Here goes nothing

Rest of the day

2011-09-17T12:24:00.000-07:00

Again. I dont know where should i start. Things got getting better and i hope i can get good result. Study study and study. Somehow i just though i am being too stubborn to get my ass to sit down and study like a geek! Even though im taking half days of working but i got a to meet up my friends since i have already told them will gonna meet up whenever i free and time. I have been like staying in a mental life for a days and months by working and studying thats all. Quite hard for me to meet up everybody in one day and half day! One sentence to say i am so sorry for being very late to meet up since i said gonna meet u guys. Then until now; i haven't meet them yet. Exam on last Tue marketing is killing me. Seriously. Fucked up. I get sleepy and sleepy when im doing the test and essays. I just do whatever i can, write whatever is on my mind. Plus i hope my assignment gonna pass my exam cause my soul told me im doing good in this assignment.

Working half day on saturday! Was planning to study in d morning - evening But plan changed again. Sign* i know, right. One of my friend back from Liverpool for a holiday. He came back only for a week and i already promised him gonna meet him up and grab some tea. But i am soooo busy until i cross my mind and think that he going back on next sat. But its not. Tomorrow he's going back. How sad! I felt so bad when he keeping on texting me when we gonna meet up. But finally i made my promised *happy* going out breakfast with him and catch some movie in d afternoon. Such a silly boy.

I know kind of crazy and uglyness of this pictures. HAHA i couldn't snap a nice shoot of myself sometimes. Somehow i just love love love to wore a singlet and a simple jeans. Or maybe only T-shirt and shorts and Jacket if i want. Then belt is the best to bringing blink to the rock! Im trying to cut off those mentality bangles i wore before. Every part of my bangle is important and meaningful to me cause they are from my beloved friends and families. So now i just keep it and use it whenever i match my outfit. I dont usually wore vivi girls outfit with make up on but someday i believe i'll get on it. Even if its not my taste but only some of the days i'll out on it.

Anyway! so... After having breakfast and movie we straight heading home. He got to cut his hair loll.. I dont know why? Mentality my head just hit me to sing. Just of the sentence hit me to sing and playing my piano as well. On one condition; i dont know i sing pretty well... Just comment and say you're answer on youre mind. Nothing bothers me; im cool with that. Who know? i can change the melody or vocal. Well gonna upload soon maybe tomorrow. My ass hard to move right now to get USB on top of my table. So then. Man today Seriously busy in dessert kitchen. I meet up dorin at party play in d evening for have some tea to checking my if i am alright. We talked about KL stuff and i guess its really hard to manage the time since she cnt take some of the days off. She working in a kind of office place. So i guess will be travel alone in Kuala Lumpur first by waiting dorin to arrive.

I just realised. 15th--Wednesday; my great grandmother anniversary passed away. So sad! I remember before the date but i have been so busy until i forgot. Im gonna meet up somewhere over the beach. At least i went to beach or ocean to looked over the sea always waving and i pretend im visiting great grandmother there. Her body have been burned and let her in Peace in the lovely blue ocean with grandfather. I miss her so much! I miss her sweets when ever i think of her and i ate sweets. I remember she always have lots of sweets in her bag when i was a little naughty girl. She always said i have to study well in my studies. But when she is getting older i felt soo sympathy to her. She barley talk and walk even hear. Whenever i meet her i'll call her and shes smiling with loves. Damn my tears starting to fall. I should stop talking about this. One sentence to her Thank you.

HOooly crap! Just ignore please-,-'

Night creaturesss. Going to sleep. Tomorrow going to stay at home by counting book of words before i am seriously not ready for final exam. I must get good result! My parents wont shoot me.

Only i wanted to get real good result. I taking off days starting tomorrow until Wednesday. One of my Families member are getting married and im not sure i can join them or not. But i really wanted to go since i am very excited to wore a nice dress. Dont laugh.. its not my first time too but less to wore.

Reminiscent rains

2011-09-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

Yesh! Just what i need! RAIN! Rain in a middle of a night such a nice cold night to sleep with warm bed and my Fav pillow with blanket. Dang! i am seriously seriously and seriously tired. I work my ass until 1.30am midnight. I dint rest, even hard for me having lunch, dinner all day long. I got lots of things to do. But i enjoyed doing. Reason why? i dontknow -,-' But particular i dont think i can handle longer; i mean, i felt my body might cant take it anymore. I can felt the tiredness and the sickness that i cant move or faith. *lol hope not!* anyway, I just need some rest more. But i keep on going and go step out.

My mind. When the accident happened; well since the doc says im fine. When the accident happened my mind before i blank out was thinking Party play and the crew, boss, angles. Even mom and dad. What i am trying to say is, Party play brings me life. I love working in party play. I love the people who whatever they are working in party play. I love the regular customer's keep coming and say Hi to me when they came in. I love boss who always sing, smile to me and saying Hi. I love the kitchen crew with full of laughs, jokes and stories. I love ben who always care for me; but i ignore with rudeness, cook for me, listen to my silly story and understand me. I love mimi who always play with me and hanging out. I love party play that i can learn a lot of things in life! Although sometimes bringing emotional i still love party play Although somethings happened i dont giv a damn to care. Cause we are not perfect. We are human makes mistakes. I am sad to see who the people i closed with or who i hearts when they are sad, argue, fighting and more. I wish i could help but i am a fool to be in silent.

I missed a lot of funs outside. But just wait. Will be my turn someday. I'll become more freely and fly like a bird. Going to Kuala Lumpur once again on Sept 26th to have some quality time with my angles and me. Its good to travel but very tired. I love to travel but i have not enough money to go. So i just wait. Will be my turn next. I wish i can travel all over the wold. Well until here now; im getting sleepy and sleepy. Tomorrow gonna woke up early ..Gonna arrive early to make cheese cake -,- again. I made 4number of cheese cakes! Today sold 3whole cheese cake -,- wtf' hahaaa i know, my cheese cakes smells good! Anyways; alright then. Night Creature!

Reminiscent rains gather
at the feel of many dawns quietly slipping by.
Seepage of emotions in the periphery of the past gone.
Time… you could never hold in your hands.

There is no use for regrets.
Still, sometimes the heart needs to know
Or maybe it just stubbornly refuses to see,
Why the soul still wishes, still wants, and still bleeds.

Funny the things you learn in life and carry with you-
Parables of the things you never knew, but dreamed.
Touched at first and made to be real- either in your mind’s eye
Or in the realness of yesterdays and tomorrows.

Still, sometimes the heart doesn’t want to know
Or maybe it just refuses to acknowledges that it feels,
And where the heart harbors its secrets,is where it seeks refuge in only memories.

Unit of time

2011-09-12T05:43:00.000-07:00

My mom Birthday was a blast. Keeping myself busy like always -,- *help* woke up early to make mom's cake at Party Play. You know? my work place. Anyway; then suppose to woke up at 7.30am. I did, but waiting mom to finished bath until i fall a sleep again until almost 9am. And i was like -,- wtf* In one whole afternoon to get ready mom's Birthday very tired and excited.

Making mango mousse cake for my mom. But one thing, i do not know how to make it. Even google it kinda hard lolll So i told boss, he help me and lead me how to do. HAHA! i know right? Awesome. He gave me the recipe and guess what?! it is so easy! Well the basic they must have the puree, gelatin and cream. When everything done, it has to be cold. So i keep it in the freezer. While i waiting to freeze i went out again to buy some ingredient for night dinner. And deco for the cake.

Fish is mom favour. But too bad she cant eat cause her sensitive skin. So i planned having sweet and sour pork, Thai chicken, Cesar salad, Chicken liver, Cauliflower with cream sauce, Beef, and Soup with tofu. Is it too much ? I just hope they enjoy the foods and happy. I went to Foh sang, Merdeka and Giant ctmall to buy overall. Do you know how much it cost you everything? Almost RM200. Once in a while for mom birthday would not kill i think. When i was looking for chicken at foh sang i saw grandmother in the same time she with her friends looking for fish. HAHA Quite funny actually cause they are staring at the fish. Grandmother was shock seeing me in this kind of market. u used to go this market with mom and grandmother sometime. But not always cause i was too busy until that i have no time to go with them.

When every ingredient are gathered. Going back party play to finished up mom's cake.Turns out very nice! And then went back home time to cook in the evening. Everything went well Just what i planned. Dinner time the the most wonderful part in my life! We talk, laughs, telling stories and more. Well i feel sorry for my grandmother. She wanted to help me cook but i refused. Still she keeping to help and help. so i asked her only to wash and cut thats all. I ask her to go in and watch TV but she still standing there watched me cook.

Dinner finished and we are off to party play to ROCK mom's Birthday. We having some dessert and drinks only cause everyone are full with my dinner meal. Its funny when the live band singing happy birthday song to my mom and i was ready holding mom cake to her. Gald everyone in the cafe claps hands for her. haha Boss came and shake mom's hand even do my supervisor. Mom loves to take picture so much. She took picture of every each person with her. Even boss as welll. Grandmother is the most embarrassing part; i said to boss took a picture with mom. Then in a sudden grandmother shout and say come come everyone took a picture with boss. *wtf* i said steady ba popo.. I guess boss was like -,-''''' this. Speechless.

My grandmother on the right and her best friend on the left side.

Just back from Singapore.

Me and one of my best friend dorin

Here you go! the Mango mousse cake

My mom just loves Cherry

I know right! ??? how cute they are! hahaa

-,- nooby face

Boss and us! And the following below boss and my mom :)

Another next day. Seriously have a bad day recently. Particular a lot. But i was lucky. Then became unlucky at last. I tried to be careful, but nothing seems to be right. I tried to make a better direction but nothing seems to be right, I tried everything it is just seems not right. Sigh* I got an accident today. Horrible. I almost died. But still i can focus on. When the car hit me started my mind are totally blank and felt im dying. The old man going to the wrong direction and drive fast. I was on my way to turn right side and stop. I did stop and looked only left then looked right. Cause the road only in one way heading to right side. Crash so hard.And ya; its his fault not mine. My head are swollen and pain. How am i going to have an exam tomorrow them? Everything is a messed. Then when my mind are already focus back, i went down and straight scold the old man. He direct said its his fault and he will pay everything. Even he can giv me 1million. I know right!? how stupid he is saying like that.

Started to get moody and down spirit. Went to police station to make a report. The police is also a troublesome. I just hate the gov police. They think they are king and rules the world. They think they can do everything or whatever they like. The most they do is only flirt the girls. Go flirt you mom then! Idiot. When the time to report he ask me for my ID number. So i gave it to him. When he done with the ID he simple throw my ID. Its not throw but almost kind of smack my ID. Then i staring at him for a second and said why u do that on my ID. Should giv me a polite way. Then he said since when i do that? try u giv me once more and i show u what is throw. I got more pissed and then ignore him let him talk like bullshit.

Big day coming;

2011-09-08T11:32:00.000-07:00

Its nice to see mom smiling on her face. I worked until evening 6pm today. Got to study! but seems like i dint study much even im at home. I drag so much time to doing boss work, and some stuff. And its raining some more; wow! makes me even more sleepy. So, i cant take it while im doing my stuff. I fall a sleep with my book cover all over my face. Woke up; the lights are off; everyone sleep like in heaven. Mom big day are coming soon, on this sat!!! Very excited! Yayy, of course i cook! The little Chef in da house time to rock the party. Well i try my best to do cook Delicious! Still thinking on my mind. Have alot things in my mind right now. Things that are cannot be done always. Sign. My assignment? one more and that's all. I got to finish it! I got cake planing on her Birthday too. I decide to made a Mango mousse cake. I got some ideas with the cake decoration. Very exciting but tired. Sat is my off day; i dont know if i can make it. But i hope i can. Tomorrow i have an exam and straight to work until closing. Well have to ask boss about this. I was planing to bake the cake on sat early morning.

Mom turns to 42 or 41 if im not mistaken. My god. im not even sure what number of my mom age. I am not a good daughter. loll. Daddy one year younger that my mom. So which means mom is the old woman in da house. Particular dad looks more older than my mom. I know right ? I love them ..

I just love to spend my time on my hair at home sometime. I love my long hair even sometimes annoying. I love to blow it nicely then i'll put 2types of oil. But most of it i don't have any time to do that; cause i am too tired to care it. Usually i wash add conditional and that's all. * i used to washed my hair ever single day!* i always washed my hair before i step out. Its just in my blood. I don't know why. I must take a bath before i go out. Even work too. Is a must for me. Mom staring at me when i was busying carrying my hair. Why are u staring at me mom; I asked. Nothing, MY HAIR SHORT ALREADY. my mom replied. And i laugh. hahaha* See my hair damn longer than you :P Mom hair used to be longer than me but she cut her hair cause of damage in the end part. She envy of my hair in a jocking side. Very funny.

2011-09-07T03:44:00.000-07:00

I have to study well! I promise myself to get good pointer. Target to get Pointer3/4! Go Go Go!!!

The day and the next day and the next text day

2011-09-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

So the day have come. Spending my day to clam myself down. Still i have to woke up early today. Having breakfast with mom and both of my sister at Lintas. Its been a long time i dint sit for an hour and have some time to talk, chat and laughs while we are eating our breakfast in the early morning. First of all, we already planed at the beginning before i offday. Second of all, I dint know it would take so much long hours to make it done. And you know what is that ? Mom decide to spend me and vivian to Tattoo our eye brow. But i dont have the confident to tattoo it cause i might think i will got a lil too fast or old. Loll i am' looked old *People said so* Everybody said so. Anyway, back to the story...

I dint ask for mom to spend us with this... Maybe because i dint ask my mom for anything even i dint ask for money. I have worked hard and its better to have a good time to spend money on my own not from my parents. Overall cost me and my sis reached RM1000 *wtf* i know right ? each person cost you RM300+ then the Aunt promote us this some kind of face problem thingy. I dint want this and i dont dare to try and believe anymore of this. But she said she really wanted to help me to make it right to make my skin looked nice. So i was thinking maybe i'll giv another shot to try. Who knows' right? I help my mom to pay some of it too. Such pity her..

Turns out to be this. What do you think?

Finished everything until evening. Suppose having movies but mom seems to be tired and want to go home. So, plan changed again. Went movies with dorin and fiona. We watched The Smurfs in Suria. Lorna cant make it again. Sigh. Before movie we went to this Animei Cosplay event in Asia City. Some of my friends were there busy taking photos. Im taking this photo with Leone :) one of my Hearts side. I Just love this picture taken. By the way, Such a nice movie we watched, touching, funny, anger, and happy. Most of the part makes me Laugh :) Silly cat. Anyway, Night went some dessert and tea with all of my angles. Its been awhile we dint meet before this i was too busyyyyy working in Raya holidays days! We have so much to talk .. fantastic.

The next day = time to work. Gosh~ my off day passed so fast! Wish would be more slow. HAHA! A Lousy monday! So tired on moonday. Monday monday~ what a lousy monday.... Seriously, its seems like my ass cant stand up and work! i dint sleep much when my offday. =,=' Mimi one of my partner *worked in party play, we are close :)* She cooked porridge.. How lovely! Yummy! Its our favourite. Its funny she have the same feeling of lousy monday too. We work our ASS so slow. LOL

I am more dead! seriously. My brain keeping on mygrain all day night. Every night. I cant take it anymore yesterday night. Very pain and i straight went back home bath and sleep. Usually i went back home bath and online for awhile. hehh.. Then i have an FINAL EXAM comming tomorrow ..Kitchen cooking exam. Well its okay for me. But i really hope i wan woke up early. But turns out i can! *great!*

Exam turns out pretty fine! I join back to my old group. Since i am no more in anger of her. Just let it be. Pass is passed. We cooked 5 dishes serve course by course. Salad, Soup, Main course and finally dessert. I am finally happy and not disappointed about the presentation. I voice it out in the final exam' and present it my own. I have a great group actually. i love working with them, but somehow sometimes we also have our own thinking of ways of cooking. My college Chef loves our foods. He says everything is prefect. And im glad he loves it.

Then another of my college Chef come in and check. Remember i said the head chef are looking for student can join the festa competition? Yeap. He it is. He also love our foods. He ask us are we free on 27th college break time. And i said i cant; due to KL. That was a disappointed. But i did already register to join the competition but not under ATI was under Party Play. They dont know, i dint told my college chef.

See you guys creature!
Irene chin.

In my life

2011-09-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

Argh~ i HATE cockroach so much. I rather to humiliate myself in front of public! I dont give a damn to care. I just wont let the dirty thing touch a single part of my body! That cockroach walk to my bloody hand man! Dang! Yuck! Seriously? Their hairy leg are fucking disgusting! The most negative part in my whole life. I dont know why should i scare of it. *Feeling of away* JUST GO AWAY.

This Friday, friday

2011-09-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

Im sorry mom. I failed you again this time. I was too busy until i dint ate any. Only ate some kind of snack bit by bit. I skipped my breakfast, lunch and dinner. I woke up early today and suppose to be having breakfast but then sister need to used car so which means i cant go back home rest around 3pm. I decide to visit the Doc in the afternoon. Guess my plan has canceled and just went to visit the Doc in the morning.

Heres the result; my hand near the risk area are swollen inside but not outside. I cant drink Cold water, I cant touch water. Went to Lido to checked and cost you for almost RM50. Sometimes very hard for me to work with my risk hand are in pain since i lneed to be. Just like i force myself to work it better in every each of the yesterday. Lucky i went to Doc, she said its better to see her early before it got worse. She gave me a medium Medicent to pour with my swollen hand. 3days in one day/ OOps' sometimes working inside the kitchen is very hard without touching water. Still i need to use my hand work out. Try to put med in it...

Once again* The messed turns out my fault with no reason ..... I understand. I'll move on even though thing shits happened. I dont care.. Just listen to who whatever they talking craps .. Only god knows thats matter. People who are really think he know what he doing its just bullshit until the end of the day im the one who been blame. Lastly its not me.

Breeze of fine cold wind.

2011-09-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

I Just cant stop loving the sunset. I love this picture very much. Particular i have alot of sunset pic i capture in the evening inside my room. Let my soul flow away and the spirit of pain fade out with fine breeze and lovely sound wave and lastly sunset. I went to the beach alone to feel free. I guess you are happy right now. You just dont giv a damn to care and its good. Just great. You have her is enough. Im a idiot to waste my tears in every night.

Today suppose to be more free in working! Dang! I am so lousy today. Felt so sick. Seriously. my hand barely move. My brain are heavy until the busy part. Lucky theres one staff working inside the kitchen to help out. So i wont be that depress. Still a lot of customers keep coming. Not bad. Kind of good news :) But its killing me... .. Tomorrow i need to visit some kind of body checking. Something wrong with my left hand.

2more days! Cant wait.

My assignment about ice cream. Im A BIG FAN of ice cream. I dint take much now days. I missing oreo ice cream :'( I miss Mcd. I miss hanging out with brothers and sisters. I miss lorna and dorin. I miss myself :( But i have to force a smile in every each day. Needed to hang my heart away and cuts off my head hanging on the wall.

There i have said

2011-08-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

Everything is written in. And its suit my fucking life No more, no more tears. im such an idiot who fall for you. They said dont. Why him. i dontknow. Maybe they are right. Even its hurts so bad i rather to ignore and let it be. Words has spoken, everything is a lie. He broken promises a lot. Still i ignore with pain and disappointed. But i guess everything is only a rubbish what hav you mention earlier. I know the truth actually. You lie me. I am not a fool. i know but i ignore. The pain carrying me all theres months; Very hard. Very. I promises to myself before. I must keep it although its very hard to take it. Things that i told you is true but u hav lied me. I am a fool to believe you and told you everything But you're not. You never told me you's and im a fool to told you mine. No more no more. I take back my words before i said "dont" Everything i said earlier turns out true. Plus you need me no more. Only when needed me when you have no one to ask anymore. In youre life less one friend is nothing for you. I hope you read

One glass of Long island Tea. And i have paid! Happy? They asked for me a lot of times. Well thats unfair.You think i ever ask for it before? Only once and said like i am kind of shit person. You think i am alike them? i only asked for once. Not until the rest of the day. And why dont you ever said them if they drink? Sometimes they let us drink is the same. Non of youre business you said. It is yours. Cause u said like i am some like of shit person who dont think! I have paid. There happy now.

Hell

2011-08-31T01:54:00.000-07:00

Let the rain wash away, all the pain from yesterday and so on.

Speechless***** Very HARD day today. I work all day long since yesterday. I dint have some break time even for awhile. Its sucks. If i want so, things wont get finish soon until the times up. Went breakfast with mom and dad this morning. We chat; mom keep mention to me about my health, my fucking face with pimples, drink alot of water, must spend some time to relax and more. Gossh' mom getting more alike my grandmother. Dad are speechless, let mom spoken out every words. We having breakfast near by my work place. Just in front of my work place. Even if i early, still i dint eat at all. Theres a lot of people, full with chinese. Its raya, they should sleep at home! lolll too much customers until i canceled my breakfast and start to work until the end of work. Very depress. Very hard and tired.

Everyone turns out happy and last i felt Vey lonely. Lorna i dont know whats going on with her since i was too busy and tired dint contact them. She seems to be happy, cause i saw her fb with all of smiling face. Dorin got her life and i think she seems to be still mad with lorna. Dorin sometimes busy and going out with others friend. So i back off its better. Everyone is happy and im happy with that. on my own,, staring from today on wards. Going out alone i dont mind as long as i am relaxing my day hav fun.

Depress ssss

2011-08-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

I want to die! I know, even im busy working i should take care of my health as well. Its been awhile i dint meet up my mom. Tomorrow public holiday mom always sleep late whenever theres a time for her and holiday. Mom waiting for me back home after work today. She said; i looked very thin now days. I am so tired with speechless to her. I felt sorry for her. After finish my bath, she said tomorrow have some time to eat breakfast *is a must* I work all day long And seems to be very depress. Im learning to be in the position and try to make it right, But some how seems to be very hard when your own partner wont listen and talk back. Feel to slap him so much. He think he is so good but its not! so wrong! When ever theres something wrong and here it goes again; my fault. Thats the reason the fucker wont listen to me.

I felt unstable starting in d afternoon. My head in pain and spinning out of focus but still i tried to be. Until now my head still in pain. I should sleep early and ... a.s.a.p..

Happy Raya to all who are celebrating Raya! Have a great lovely Raya. Tomorrow is a busy day! I hope i can handle it tomorrow. Pray, pray, pray!!!

Hard

2011-08-28T10:47:00.001-07:00

So sick. and tired ..waiting for my offday

Hate.of feeling

2011-08-27T10:47:00.001-07:00

Its better that i die! Die ! Dead real soon! Not bloody worth it if i am still alive. No reason i am alive in this world. I hate everything in every of my life. I hate the surrounding of mine. I hate every breath i take in to; This is what the surrounding of a circle worlds with my brain over and over again.

Once again, everything is sucks! It hurts.So much. Real pain. Wish to erase it. And i dont know i can still keep this going

Everything is sucks!

2011-08-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

Time to Rock .. Yayyy holidays is here and hore working *bring me creeps* -,-' gonna be fun i hope. But its sucks after holiday we having final exam and before exam i have to study hen hen to get good pointer to 3! Last sem is a disappointed pointer, i have to build it up again. Everything nowdays are sucks. But things has passed, dont want to talk about it. Only never to tell better. No more. I though i can trust you but things got worse. I dontkw how am i going to face then when a friend to become enemies. Dont feel good these days; My throat are getting pain =,= even sometimes hard to talk but seems fine. Drink a lot water ;) feel good.

Lorna have some mentally problems with her boyfriend. Its very hard on me to see her crying and its sucks i cant do anything to cheer her cause im working! Im in pain to see, hear, and her mssage to me in seriously deep pain. Although im not a good advice to her but at least i care and i wanted to see her badly and accompany her that time. I hate myself to being busy all day long working. How i wish i am fucking rich! I dont dare to talk and advice her what to do cause honestly i also have some same particular problems just like her before, and i understand her. Her boyfriend are sucks! Guys are sucks. sorry to say; Lame.. Dont play on girls and dont waste your time even youre money suckers. You all picking up all of jar of hearts and broken a innocent heart girl. I believe some day suckers will get on them as well. I know every of their stories and its not lorna fault. How i wish i could scold her boyfriend; but lorna my best friend asked me not to and just let it be. To her what she said i just accept.

Trying to asked dorin bring lorna out from hell. But things turns out worse :( Dorin mad to you lorna is because she care about you. Dont be a fool Love Think for youre future and dont regret soon in youre future and then all thanks to him the sucker.

September is almost here. Wow, how fast days and days passed! Mom birthday is almost arrived too.. And i have no idea! no idea what to present. I have gave her everything from the passed of her birthday HAHA Still thinking. A lot thinking on my mind right now. Seriously. A LOT. I have some idea for 3dishes my own idea of product that my boss asked me. He train me before the Festa. Then assignment, one more to go! Fuck :( Trying to have lots of vitamin C but i have no time to bought one. I need dorin to bring me but our time is not matching. How i wish my face will be better. How i wish my hormone change fast in the passed but not now. How i wish i could be just like them but i am not. Everything sucks!

No tears, but its rain

2011-08-24T12:50:00.000-07:00

No tears for me. I have my angels in my hand.
All the things i do see, all the thins i heard, .... .. Whatever*
I heard the sound of my heart beats goes, and i have been who i am not the person i am not
Although its is hard. How i wish i could hide and runaway. Tell me its okay
Well i have been me. so no tears for me. Even sometime its just tears and rain in invisible
Cold from fear ..comfort in pain; .....
Walking like a blind women, but my eyes are open
Can i hold on for awhile ?

Fucked up my life

2011-08-21T12:18:00.000-07:00

How is my health. Man i seriously want to know. I need to see the doctor soon when i am free. Just hoping everything is going to be alright. Well its not a big deal bout that, no need to be rushing to visit a doctor. Yet -,- nott enough money to visit the doc. Whenever when I'm doing my things my brain of vision its unstable for awhile and then back to normal hah trying to be focus. No i dint told my parent about this no one knows exp my angles dorin. She said i need some rest before it got worse. Which means that your body already gave you signal that cant bare it anymore. Every part of our blood need oxygen blablabla... Weird, she knew particular everything just like my mom :) But its good to have a kind of angles like her. I am so lucky to have her.

I got disappointed on my own that i dint spoken up in the group at kitchen in college. Honestly? I never show my talent in college since i already know the knowledge from i work. I only keeping on listen and listen just like i dint know how to do but since i know. I dint show my talent because i am not the person who are showing off like i am so perfect *no* Because we are in a group we have our own decision and we have our own opinion on how to cook or how to present or the steps of skills. And that's why people usually love individual rather than in a group. If i spoken up and lead they might don't like cause i am not the leader since no one are. We just decide and discuss to divide.

Decide to take the challenge in Festa cooking competition. It was formed by Ati college; my college. And i dint write my name under Ati but under Party Play. I know people might think of me differently. But I dont think Ati can lead me and i trust Party Play can lead me better to learn experience. Cause Ati for me those chef particular are not that beyond my expectation. Which means for me learning Culinary in Ati for a year, seems like i dint lean a lot from college chef than i working in Party Play. I know maybe i am being too much. But somehow i also think some chef in college also not that bad, only he dint teach our class and i dint got the change to meet him. Our test that day i was disappointed, he came in and test our foods. I was disappointed about the part presentation. *trying not to think* That chef are the leader. The most Top chef in college. He lead and teach every of his student got No.1. When he was taking the result in other table, what i have heard he comment is very knowledge. The way it present with the sauce, and cooks and the skills of temperature and colour texture. Then everything is done, he mention something. In our next final exam he will come and see our result again. He will choose 2student to join the festa competition and train by him selves.

From that time; i was wondering. Can i win this? or can i make it? I dont want to embarrass infront of everybody... even my boss. He hvn train me and i dont know when. I confident that i can cook, i can make a nice presentation. Worries me that i dont know how to decide to cook with what particular product. I have to learn by myself from now on. Google search on nice presentation and western foods cooks. Just hoping im going the right way, right choice and i can at least win it. I know its not about win win win, known with the knowledge *yes i know* my mom siad; just have fun with it :) thanks.

so then just let me be a bad person then. TO everyone everybody. What to do? i dont care anymore; just let me be the bad person right now. I might think my sister are hating me right now cause of i said something to her boyfriend and scold my sister as well. I was working on that day and i did told her earlier before i went to work, fetch me back home by 12. And she said okay will see what time is the dinner ballroom. She went to the ballroom with her boyfriend. Then when the time is here i wait until almost 1.30 and 2. I called her a lots of calls. But she dint pick up even reply me. But at last she picked up, i straight to ask where the hell are you for god sake! She said i cant breath. Staying at her boyfriend house. Wtf she totally forgot about me. I mean she should have her responsibility and know. I said to her boyfriend; why u dint bring her to see doc if she like this or why u dont called the family ... Dang! seriously ? i dontknow what to say. Mom always on her side. Cause she always statying at home and im not. who cares. i am a bad person right now. They just dont understand! how much i work hard and i dint got anything to appreciate or support me. NO one but me.

Irene is tired, not enough sleep, depress, work hard on her life. Still she keep on smiling. Very tough.

Shyit! i just wish to operate my face with my fucking pimples D;

oh crap.

2011-08-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

I found this in my old phone i just realize i record a lot of my own melody and vocal. Still kinda lame i guess. Particular that time i might be in high school. But right now; its very difficult to take some time to spend my life with it.

Feels like having some time with my piano today. so I record some.

But still i need some more practice with it.

Next im still learning this Serenade piano by Franz Schubert. I have been practice since when i was in grade6 or 5 if im not mistaken. Until now im still learning half way through. Almost been 3years. Very difficult. But honestly i love this song. Dont know why. Now? i learn by myself. I dint take any classes anymore cause theres no time for me for this. So whenever i free, i just play and practice myself. Go go go.... go check this song out. Makes u sleep too. haha.

Look. my hand, fingers and arm. i got a lot of burns on it. Dang! so ugly. even my pimples are growing more and more. Particular i might be not enough sleep and rest and water. i dontknow. I went to movies with dorin and fiona today. Actually the plan is lorna and dorin suppose to take away delivery pizza to my house snacks and have some movies in my room. But lorna need to study; so plan changes. Then i saw some of my friends at suria. after movie we went for tea and our dinner since we watch 7pm movie. We try to ask lorna to join :) but at last she join us. Talk laughs jocks and loves. How i miss them so much. Its been awhile we dint hang out. Although they are my angles still i dint talk about the past of mine and those unhappy. We just meet up and talk and talk. Makes me forget everything the past of mine. .

Life today

2011-08-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

I feel cold. So cold lying on my bed. Blanket cover up all of my body like a Caterpillar. My feet are weak. Very weak cause of the boots. Pain(s) are going on and on and on. Am i sick? Maybe. Tomorrow my break time. I should rest more. I trying to stand up. The weight of my head kills. Pain with lots of cuts in my fingers, nails and burn(s) around the arm and finger too. Eye of spice by forcing to work and open. Face are in HELL . Trying to pull in heaven; im on my way.

Serious PISSED!

2011-08-13T10:53:00.000-07:00

I know theres a numbers of people are reading my blog. With Fucking what i type here. But i dont care; Sorry to say? But seriously you are a fucking bloody bitch! Such a asshole. You dont know anything. You dont know any single of my LIFE. Do you know how hard my life is? Do you know how hard i work in my fucking life. Do you know how fucking fuck depress inside my brain and my health is? Do you know how i feel every single day? Do you ever understand? Well, i guess... U DONT! So please shut the fuck up. Do you know how easy you are? Only took your money from youre parents. By only staying at youre home eat, sleep, and shits! I am not like you okay ? I know this will be a little bit childish i wrote here. But i already been patient sooo much with you. I might know you are talking about me with others. Dont think im such a fool. I know. Dont let me know more of your fucking stories talking bullshit about me but i am not; I will ask someone to punch you! i swear! Dont ever challenge me bitch.

Its only a kind of bit things. And why? how come you want to make this happened so big? You shouting, u think you are gangster isit? makes me want to hear? Come on bitch.. Just say infront of my fucking face! Such a coward. Honestly you are! Time table schedule in college already fixed. Ofcourse i got my own time fixed with others too after i know the college schedule. Lecturer they changed their own time. change again. And ofcourse i cant attend cause they hav change. Manage my time? I already did arrange my time in college studies and work stupid. Am i that stupid or you ? Maybe is you. I AM NOT THAT FUCKING STUPID THAT DONT KNOW HOW TO MANAGE MY TIME! Hello? im 19! i work since whatever when i was a teen! First; i dint attend class whats wrong with that? and with you anyways? Second; Its not youre business if i cant go or whatever? Third; I am not your who whatever you are. I was doing nothing there was going to toilet and all of the sudden with the world of shouting (DONT WORK LAH) Then i got really pissed turn back talk and shout in her fucking face back.

Im going to say evilly and laughter ''In youre fucking face'' cause i shout in your bloody face infront of everybody. If i can, seriously i punch your fucking bloody face like HELL! You text me to say sorry and youre in a bad mood? Well, i dont believe a single world. I know people said must to have a second changes. But these ? That bitch is too much! She think she are prefect. Well i think not.

Im sorry to one of my friend called Kong han cause right now i think is depress to cause in a same group with the bitch in cooking kitchen and i am not with them anymore. Always me and him the one who teach her and asked her how to cook and lead her. Honestly? that bitch cooks are bloody hell. Cook in one dish need to take a lot of hours till it end. And everybody are finished cook. I am not trying to say i am prefect and good. But And thats why classmates in others group dont want her to join. Not only slow but fucking hate to see her cook. i dontknow how to describe.

2011-08-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

recently i my appetite asking for chocolate so much. Feels like every single day! i have to stop it. Pimples growing and grow. Mom bought one medium pack of kit kat for me; almost finished. Yea i admit i am getting thinner and thin. My grandmother said i an getting thinner. She cooked dinner for today :) i miss her cook! Very delicious! Tasty! Saporito! Anyway; grandmother bought some stuff from Auckland back to kota kinabalu. And i like it. she bought me one necklace. Black in lie and one kind of stone hand made of white flower. Feels like hawaii place of necklace. Haha..

I love this chocolate so much! feels like heaven when u ate it. HAHA. When grandmother back home; she using car. so i cant use the car always anymore. Need to know the time.. Grr made me disappointed when you work with people in the same company when he dint listen to you since you have worked long time and thinks he is so perfect, but then no he is not. When you work; you need to have some kind of heart to work it better in your work right ? Its not simply do and only okay with it. Is in your heart to make it nice excellent perfect dishes and serve customers with satisfaction. Which means you should not be so lousy with doing your work. One of my worker said; ''haiya, simply do only lah.. important got the foods, deli and they pay/'' And i was like =,=' HOW CAN YOU DO THAT. you must have your standard to make it nice so that customers will even more beyond expectation. I tried to order him, but he fight and talk back. Lousy me to say it back so i just let him do whatever he want. Still whenever is not service fault but he blame the service and talk back, is already clearly kitchen fault because he is so slow! They already said early to fire the order. Sigh* i dontknow how .. Feels like want to punch him. Feels like im in Hell right now. Everything in my fucking life is fucked up like in hell!

Blue broken; i need someone to hang my head

2011-08-09T01:47:00.000-07:00

I hate being at home sometimes. Home suppose to be happy and joyful like last time used to be. But right now when the moods are going on and on feels like bullshit coming out from hell. I use to be always happy and joy before when come back home from studies, work or outside whatever. I dont feel like home anymore nowdays. Im broken. Inside of me are all broke. Learning to be tough although its hard. Try to be happy and fit with them whenever i with my friends and work. Everything of my loves ones are all broken down and down. I felt so lonely and no more joy of loves for me anymore. Sisters makes me disappointed the way they act like hates me so much and i dontkw why, maybe just because i am not always staying at home. Come on, my life. I hate my life stuck inside like a dead creature. I buy stuff for my own and families, helping to pay something, gave sisters some money to spend her life to let her enjoy; everything is because i still care them and i love them. Whats wrong now? I just dont understand. Some part what i need to ask to fetch me; and then got boil up like chicken. If i have my own car i would not ask them. I am not a princess or whatever. I dont like to ask my friends simply fetch me. Cause worries me that i am annoying.

Whenever when i am home, i am speechless. I dint talk and straight went to bath and my room doing my things. Even one talk only to speck; ''hi mom im home.'' and then left. I felt more freedom and happiness when i am out. I am not trying to say i hate home; but right now home made me feels like stranger and sadness. I am tired im my life, give up on something that i love to do in my life for my future. No one would understand. No one. I need some rest in peace at my own home but here we go again the talking of moody-ness. I have to cook at home, and clean some part of home .. I face foods! every single day! well, i loves foods much :) i love to cook for my families and friends. But *sigh* i dontknow how and what can i do. Mom always said OK but she broke promises. I always get disappointed with it. And i forgive her a lot because shes the only one mom i got. Dont kw if its my real mom or not. i dont care anymore. Whenever my big day or event of mine or my work place event she dint show up and no support on me. I always handle myself without them

I know they are 2faces. But only i dint say anything. Disappointed again. Mom and vian always gossip and talk about others but they dint think on their own too. I heard they are talking about me today this evening; they dint know i were there. And thats the reason why its better to being silent rather to be myself in my life.

I wish i can hide myself. I wish i can get out of here. I wish i can have a good life. I wish someone will tell me everything will going to be okay. I learn to be away and not to fall. What do you do when your stuck? Because the one that you love. Has pushed you away, And you cant deal with the pain. And now your trying to fix me. Mend what he did, i'll find the piece that im missing. But i still missing him. What would you do when your heart in 2pieces and saw something that makes you even more broken. But its okay; Please continue your work or whatever you are. Nothing means to me anymore. I know some part was a lie sentence. I dont mind.

My grandmother are coming back today :) going to pick her up at 7pm later and bring her for dinner at Party Play. She wanted to see my work place badly haha and i dontkw why. She came back from Auckland with my uncle to johor staying there with my auntie families and then came Kota kinabalu by visit us :) i know right. She so damn happy in her life. so free! shes my fathers mother. Love my big sister much june. When we are small she always love june whenever what she want. I dont get jealous though. Its fine for me. haha..

Elvis style today! for my first time actually ..Not bad at all :)

2011-08-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

Ocean ocean
I walk a long the beach for another day
I love the wind; always swing and never stop; took my soul away to another world
I love the sand, always lying on the ground with footprints forever
I love the ocean, always moves wavy in each second
I love the sound, every single of it; ocean, wind, insects, people, music, cafe...
I love the sky with the sun, blue, orange, and yellow bright up my soul
I love the poeple, running; playing, families, friends; and lovers makes happy of life
many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

So, i went to neck piercing that day' they cant pierce cause they dont have that thing. Well im going to pierce on Kuala Lumpur on Sept. Just have to be patient. Janice Birthday thay day one of my close friends. I made some cookies for her and have some tea with her and lorna that afternoon before i went to work.

Anyway, Fiona birthday today! one of my close friends too! but too bad i cant celebrate with her today D; i have grand opening at my work today. Party play open a new side since last month; and i moved to d new side kitchen. Its pastry and dessert kitchen. Well, to be honest.... I'm not quite into pastry and baking stuff actually' but still i tried to learn to love pastry. Boss promised me he teach, lead and train me everything since i first came to work. Glad that i meet him and party play. Learned a lot! Thank you.

Nelly is coming back Kota Kinabalu from Kuala Lumpur since yesterday that night. We already planed that going to the club on sat night at ffy. But last minute we canceled, But i did went there that night with Dorin, janice, fung and the gang. I saw lots of friends in a sudden but only to say Hi and i go to other place. Finding my sister in the same time. Alex told me shes in there; Before these when i was working, her dad called me and i was wondering. Uncle asked me for my friends number and then i asked why, he told me alex dint went home for 3days and thats worries her mom and dad. So i told uncle i tried to bring her home today tonight. But when i meet up her, she with her friends and she gonna go to another club again. Im not going to force her back home immediately but only to advice her to think properly. She is 17 now' should think better and not waste her life just to club. Still got another time she can play with actually. Sigh* Seriously now days teen are very hard to control.

Mcd! Its been awhile i dint ate you you you!!! even my fav ice cream! still i have to control. Sigh* again* everything is a mess. Disappointed and depress with lots of emotional. Families? Hard to explain. i just hope someday going to be okay. I told myself every time when something goes wrong; everything is going to be okay. To clam myself. No one told me these words before even my parents and angles. Its okay :) i dont blame both of them.

I hate what i see, i hate what i saw. I am trying to be focus. And please continue what you doing. Everything makes sense right now; Sometimes i just think im such a fool to... And i know; everything just a lie.

Spoken human;

2011-08-02T23:04:00.000-07:00

In this world, you can say everything you can. No matter what it is. You can said you are done with it, i will kill you or even the promises; everything. But they, we are the human who live on earth people said alot were never kept it, where never made. Very hard. Even what i have said to my selves a lot in my own heart or blogging. Doesn't means anything. I hope i'll keep the words what i have spoken. Still i am finding my wings in life.

Not a day by that i push tired to the side

and get my mind on what need done.

Most just figure they got to get through one more day.

Me though, I figure there's a lot more to be doing with

each day rather than just trying, to ''just get through it''

Got no use for tried anyways.

Ya ever see someone just clean pass through a day,

like it wudn't nutten but an old doorway 'bout to fall down?

Thats how them crazy fools act nowadays.

They need to open up them blind eyes of them.

Yes'im, that what they need to do- but 'spect they won't none......

Of love and goal.

2011-08-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

How are you. This question always hard on me to travel it back. I got a lot to tell but now not really, forgot most of it. i got half of my assignment left need to settle it up, then got another kitchen test just mention 2days ago' test going to have soup, beef lasagna and beef bolo. Bring it on' its not that hard. Anyway; grr few days lately i got stomach ached badly! I think the beach foods makes me sick! Lucky i still can hang it on to be stronger even it is in pain so much. But right now seems to be okay i guess wont be that annoying anymore especially when you have things to do. Much more better when Ben give me that medicine i never ate before in my whole life =,= 1small packed with lots of small black balls inside. And i though pour inside the water. Its embarrassing when i asked one of the staff how to eat. sitll my stomach right now are in pain. I dontkw when this going to be over. In the same time that day my head seriously in pain as well =,= just perfect. How perfect life is. Wtf yea i admit that maybe my fault because i decide not to dry my hair proper. I am too tired by only thinking going to sleep with warm blanket and pillow.

Things got very worst is that my house got in thief again. The second time. Speechless. Not mine got stolen this time; my second sister. She got RM300 inside her fucking wallet. Oh man. Lord come on, blessed our house please ? I was sleeping like a dead creature that night and my door are locked. Ofcouse you locked your door before you went to bed although u think its save. Parents got very pissed when this case happened. Especially maybe my dad, No both mom and dad. Mom keeps texting me that morning but sitll not my fault what for she scold me. I understand what she trying to say or mad at us. After work that night i direct back home bath and sleep deadly. Yet how am i supposed to locked that door and put that stick on it if others havent back ? Then if this got happened to me before for sure i will not do the same thing again for god sake.

Went back home yesterday early 'HEAD SHOT FUCKING PAIN' so before i went back home; i was working and suddenly June my big sister called me and said are you coming back home ? cause mummy suddenly asked her and her bf to go back home like right now, immediately. Yea, we are thinking that daddy going to scold. But i told her everything gonna be just fine, dont you worry. Dont cry please. Maybe daddy just want to ask and give some advice. Daddy wouldn't scold us and hit us anymore since we all are grown up. June is speechless and dontkw what to say and feeling like dont want to go home. I am sad to see her and my family like this. Parents got depress. Cause theres might not thief came in our house. Doesn't makes any sense if they said they already totally locked the padlock, but still in the early morning mom saw its unlock. Which means that if theres a thief they must be using some thing to cut it off. Anyway, so i went back home yesterday early almost 12am everybody went to bed, i dontkw what happened. My fucking phone dead. When i go into my room and charge my phone theres a massage and it is Vivian my second sister. She said 'June and carol been scold by daddy very cham' which means dad scold them very hardly. Daddy shout and shout until my mom upstairs and hear unfortunately i think my neighbour hear it too.

But i dont think daddy want to be like this. I know he going to said let them think im a bad person; i dont give a damn to care. Yet i know its for the best. June cried whole night until this morning i hear she keep saying something to vivian. I was half dead XD! I also might think today going to be my turn going to be scold, but i din't.

I got so sad bout this case. i got so dissapointed cause of my salary since i have work and tried my best to be best. Then comes out only a kind of ... have to spend my life, my sister Cause she dont have any money left, spend my families some for home usage, and to save money for my trip. Oh lord, this is hard. what can i do? Speechless.

Went to Ctmall today :) to buy foods ingredient for dinner tonight. Asked my angles to join us too, before ctmall after class i went to find edmond who works part play before. Going to his shop to buy something and suddenly saw him. So we go some tea only and i ate my breakfast. Went to ctmall seems like i can saw everybody there. I saw Lots of my friends there. Amazing lol. Even my long lost friends. He worked where, then i saw my lovely girl, even shairley who work in party play; boss sister with her mom. Then finally meet up clement XD! workes in ctmall starbucks; his college studied in ctmall building. Visit cupcakes shop too and their cakes are so damn beautiful and colourful. I wish some day party play going to beat them even more! haha. WELL TODAY IS my off day. ofcourse im the one cook at home. Sigh. Never mind; spend my money with this for family no biggie. Rest a lot today.

Fine breeze with sunset surely relaxing time in my life.

But no foods; No more im going to ate from the beach store. Makes me sick =,= even my lovely dog who always i talk with when i need someone to talk and he just staring at me with lots of love to me trying to play and let me trow ball to him.

im going to peirce on my neck! Just wait be patience. But not now.

I messed up; Spoken of sorry to everyone who i love.

2011-07-28T02:12:00.000-07:00

Begin of where. Lost of all in my life. Everything fall in to the drain and difficult to pick it up again. Yet i have to try more harder to pick it up fast. I said it a lot of million time, Still its difficult. I screw up a lot in this sem for the first time in my life. I would describe; everything is a messed plus hopeless! I always arrived class late in every first class; I get sleepy in every class and trying to paying attention and understand (i did); I barely speak in college even in my class with classmates; I barley talk with my lecturer that we are used to be closed with; I hardly seen my college friends in different intake that we always took lunch together; I dontkw what should i do. My head my brain my treasure of dreams. I have no one to talk. Everybody are busying on their own. I don't wan my parents gets in my side.

I disappointed a lot of things. on myself. work, life and studies. Work yesterday one of my workmates said hotkitchen dont wan me already and they wan him. Then i was thinking i am suck. i know i dint work good sometimes. So i felt more disappointed and dont have the believe i can do it. Then when i ask isit true they said like that, he dint reply only laugh and left. Then when he came again; i asked again over and over again. Finally he said he was just jocking. Everything he mention to me is fake. WTF its not funnyl only scare me off and making me even more sad. Cause i fail on them. I dont wan to make them disappointed even boss too. i will work hard i promise.

I almost screw up today. I dint know today is my midterm exam for kitchen. Last night tears falling again because i am so disappointed and messed up until the face looked swollen when comes to the next day more swollen cause the tears fall for almost an hours until i fall a sleep. Decide not to go college today; i dont have the spirit to do yet i am so weak. I dint ate yesterday morning till night. But when i cooked for myself i dont have that appetite to eat and let the rest of them to eat. So, my class start at 8.30 today and when i heard my massage ringing one of my classmates ask me where are u. we got midterm. By that time it was 9. I am so fucked up. I ran down took my chef cloth and pants, wash my face ( NO TIME TO BATH) tie my hair and took my set knife and go with my fucking swollen face.

I drove very fast to the hills =,= almost crash. i cut a lot of peoples car driving. When i arrive class; everybody looked at me. I am so speechless. But lucky me the chef dint got mad and its okay for him. so i join the group and starting to cook everything went well. The last part that pissed me off. The malay chef dont taste our foods and only comment like bullshit. check this and check that. My own Chef who teach this subject he dint do like that and only taste. He dint do that like others groups. My group are the only one who is all chinese, and the rest are malay. so i can know the different of it. I just dont understand. OUR FOODS ARE DELICIOUS! and i can know it! Cause im the one who cooked half way and taste before i serve! My pizza totally NICE. with nice colour from pizza oven. Buffalo i know should be like that since our own chef said it before.And the malay chef said the sauce is different blablabla~ wtf! They cooked their stuff there and we all waiting for them until our foods gets cold. My goodness. Seriously? what can i do~

I hate when the people who i loves turns to enemy. I dint asked for it. I just wish everything will be fine just the way before. And i feel the way u treat me, u just been force to treat me like that. That's why its wondering me alot; and then i treat you very cold just because i felt so shellfish that you treat me like that. I wanted to say goodbye after work, but when i looked through your face; i can read that your face said to me ''i dont want to see your face and get out of here'' so i went home without saying goodbye. Phone ring when i gets in my car Dint expected Paggy called me! She is one of my guest when i worked in upperstar and became friends. She is married with one of d occasion and moved to Paris. Now she is back here for holiday. Wonderful. We talk a lot when i serve her and her husband.

Anyway;

Latest pic that i only have

I though, looking back
that i was broken.
That it was ma that was wrong and unfit.
But as i gather up these things
that have fallen, and place them
in this art college of mine,
I realize how beautiful
life's lessons can make me
Become.

I will not always know
which direction
i should go, but i will
always try
to see the beauty
that lives around me.
that gives me hope, the kind
that can never be Forgotten.
The kind that makes me believe in life. Again

Always loves this

i know; i knew.. Have been known

2011-07-25T13:38:00.000-07:00

Wish I could have just skipped it. Just feel the wind in my face soared above the ground; once have been broken, can't be fixed. Still i believe i have the right to be respected. My treasure my words. I've collectively sewn, my hope that they become a treasure of my own.

Life time

2011-07-22T04:54:00.000-07:00

Very depress sometimes. Difficult. But i enjoyed in every single of the day. The reason why is because i want my life time to be fill with lots of knowledge and adventure rather than i waste my time for doing nothing.

Days goes by

2011-07-20T04:28:00.000-07:00

MARKETING? Seriously. 2more months. Chill. i can do this. FUCK. so hard *why do you have to be so hard on me marketing... I have to remember your names a lot. Even benefits, segmentation, process of yours. Sigh if only i am a robot bluetooth all information into my dumb brain. Trying to understand and understand and understand. Got tips in the last minute, how on earth am i going to memorize all in a sudden? But in the end; lucky i knew how to answered essay; but in section B =,=' im not sure, all i answered in common sense.

Sunset here you go again, crawling down. With the fine breeze. I stop by the beach alone near by 1borneo yesterday while im going to take my Malaysia ID. No one could accompany me, my sweetie angles are always quite busying in sunrise days. We always hang out when comes to the dark, have a relax time to talks and laughs and loves. I dint work today last minute mention to me, i dontknow why.. *try not to think* Anyway' but its good! i need to finish all of my assignment(s), presentation and studies. Kitchen Layout and management? Darn fucked up. I hvn start to research; well i guess better i going for research desk, rather than interview. Principle&practical management assignment need 3k words. WHAT THE HELL! i only have 6pages now. Lord, help me! Back to war now'

Beautiful. I just cant stop looking at the sunset every single day. Even the stars and moon in the dark. They are just perfect. Seems like you can feel everything, every soul to describe your emotional and spirit.

Ta da~ LOOK! fucking old. I LOOKED OLD.

so old..... Doesn't look like me. so old. They said, why your ID smile like that? Shouldn't smile like that in your ID. How come they let you smile like that? Well thats pretty weird' i sit and start to smile they dint say anything. They said usually peoples ID they dint smile through teeth. Only a fish smile.

I meet a special person today! :D By the way; Harry potter just wait for me! after everything i settle things down.

Dont treat me like u been force

2011-07-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

I dont want to be in love. Not for me anymore

Thank you.

2011-07-18T03:45:00.000-07:00

I will grow,
I will learn from this.
I will understand one day
the meaning of this.
I will not falter so much
that I cannot move forward.
I will ride this out until
we decide what fate is ours to take.
I will not allow my soul
to be damaged beyond repair.
I will grow and learn from this,
And if, in the end
You decide another path,
then surely that is your right.
I do not want you
to live unhappy-even if I must find
my way...
I will grow and I must learn from this.

Wow Somehow i just loves poem=,=' but i got to stop doing it.. Anyway; im still young; i still have a long~ way to go and many things i haven't achieve of. Who knows i'll have a better days for future? To be honest possibility i am been to selfish on myself to him. Because i dint care and also known his feelings. One thing unacceptable that lies. I might be believe those words spoken yet i hope its all true what it meant.

Such a beautiful evening today..

2011-07-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

Drops,

wet salt slides down over
the bridge of my nose,
from the corner of my eye
to the beneath me.

The phone in my hand

One tear.
Two tears
A Critical examination..
...of myself

I hate for all these everything i am now. Its not me i am right now. Everything what i did i felt guilty. I was good in the past few years and i was good working before. Never i act of these before in my life! I cried so much because of you, i force myself become rude because of you i trying to stay away, i might been changed because of you its better to be silent and dont talk much just like before, i smoke a part is because of you that i hate myself so much even i dont smoke and stop for that years to force it to and i punch the walls to say im sorry and deserved it. I take a lot of my time of working and responsibility of mine for month(s); but even just once mistake... one time; i have already been scold like enemy. What on earth going on! Everything just seems to be my fault. I dint show attitude, what i meant is true. i dint scold back, i dint put (!!!)... how do you feel when been ignore? and u asked again? ofcourse i dont ask again. I dont know still i can stand of these or not. He got everything right now. We used to talk and laughs, but right now seems to be awkward, hates of feelings, ignorance, and nothing. To be true, you've changed still i tried not to care. That's why i become like this. In Everything what I've become because of you. My fault to became like this. Non of these is ur fault/business. I just wish i could become me again. That what i am at first not to an end. Forgive me what i am. Im trying my best to built up again. Sometimes theres no one i can talk with only my own diary and drawings. Examination is tomorrow; and i dontkw i can focus a single chapters. If i already had to quit the job i felt guilty and i know what would happened to you. I dont wan you to been boiled up by boss. If i also already quit the job, theres no more money for me. And i know you guys are talking about me when im not around. Or talking back of me. Did i always makes mistake? Did i always dont do my responsibility? Even how much i try and my very best is not the best in doing it. Because u have ur new crew. I dont mind. Even i work good and i made one mistake JUST once of my attendance, you said please be responsible on my work. Perhaps you really dont want me to work. And thats real what you have speak when you got mad.

Speechless

2011-07-16T00:22:00.000-07:00

Not feeling well much today. i was on my bed for whole day! Lucky i dint work for today. My period kills me. For the 2nd time again. Hope it wont be like last time was real in pain until i vomit.
Don't feel like walking
Don't feel like standing
Don't feel like moving
Don't feel like eating
Don't feel like drinking water, since i wanted to
Don't feel like talking, since even i don't have much energy to talk

All i can feel is cold. Cover my whole body with my blanket and staring at the computer. All i need to settle things up is my assignment and studies. Eventually i am sleepy and pain. Hard for me to focus things up. Yet of my face are colourless is because of the pain. Window open with open air of sounds of birds and rains in front of me, feels nice. Carpus arm of mine seems to be okay, last night i woke daddy up and fix it.

Lord, hear my Cry

2011-07-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

Where of begin
So theres a line of puzzle
Year/ months ago, it was believe
Sometimes to believe and believe
but believe of fear to known that it will been known

Somehow doesn't known that it done spoken
Because to believe and believe
When it broken of spoken
everything turns out evil.

But we the very human we are,
We always want it to,
What these things to say,
even if its means carrying a certain kind of hurt.
We want it, because we do not wish to lose loves value

Yes to been known
Has spoken
and accepted with what it wish for
Of trying to staying away better than it hurt deeply in colourless.

Losses alot of water of an naked eye
Somehow in silent to hide
Let it looses feeling better alone until it colourless
with full of back and white

Silent inside these emotions tremble
Tears sometimes fall s i never tell another soul,
what aches, what bleeds in here.
Maybe that makes me the fool.

Remain of understanding in every ways
Not to believe the sweetness of naked volume
And it known very well

Acting performance empty,
Will not give a damn of believing anymore
maybe even once; but not anymore

Fading out and out and out
Its just makes the soul spirit fade away
Still, sometimes the heart doesn't want to know
Or maybe it just refuses to acknowledges that it feels,
And where the eart harbors its secrets,
is where it seeks refuge in only memories.

Hate myself to punish it selves.
In every each single days!

I am so tired for these months. Seriously. Whole body is in pain. I am seriously deeply sleepy everyday cause of dint got enough sleep by forcing myself to wake. Trying not to be late and focus to studies and assignment and others to remain maintain it good. But somehow i dont think i perform good in work. I got mad at myself and disappointed when every time i done something wrong in kitchen. Even somehow i feeling i dint help it out too by only standing and staring at them cook. I have been working since last years; and still i am like this. Should be better but i am sucks! i am lame. More over to think; im not sure.

I just wan to give up. i am so depress and stress. Cried out loud to feel it better of all of these. But still no used. Mom u should have abort me earlier! you have made the wrong decision. If you do so, i dont have to live right now. Dont have to meet others, people, friends, brothers and sisters, even fall in love in years and just to made me broken deeply inside. Locked inside of me. I already did, somehow you just unlocked it half way. Still i hardly locked it again. And i wont be working, to unknown me, and bothering them because im sucks in working! Lord, why?!

Just only wish not to down in tears everynight on my bed! Nothing is good for me. Nothing.

Life starting with full of black and white.

2011-07-14T12:18:00.000-07:00

There are pieces,
strewn about in uncertain tomorrows
and littering yesterday paths.

Silence is sometimes better said out loud,
than any words that could be spoken.
so few can hear what it says though.

It often says so much,
sometimes more than we knew existed.

An ocean of depths within,
feelings locked for safe keeping.
No one ever asks how deep does it go.

Easier for most to not ask,
so they don't have to hurt enough to care.

They are precious
and sometimes bittersweet
or broken down - leaving us to wonder
at the trail we've made of losses, of pains,
of shear wonderment, and of loves.

Crimson skies were once painted
in days where childish laughter should have leved-
leaving blues of water that never shed from the eyes.

Pain that shut the doors of trust in others.

Doesn't mean there's no hope for it though.
Seeds of trust can be sown as nature reminds that
even rains grow things; make them stronger.

Such a rarity courage and strength born,
Uniqueness in its own right of perception and kindness
Still lonely keeps company,
till we learn how to hold an ocean.

Here you go.

2011-07-12T00:39:00.000-07:00

My eye getting more pain. And looks swollen.

They said, why u cry? or whats wrong with your eyes.

And i said' Fuck ya; not enough sleep. i dint cry. hahh LOL They laugh hah

Yeap. My swollen arm almost heal. Ugly =,=!

Well I'm alright' i don't need to visit doctor; Thanks for your care ben! i just hate to visit clinic or hospital. Piece of shit isn't this. I'm talking about my friends cousin, saying everyone taking cigarette is a dog. and it is just a piece of shit that who ever take. I got pissed' That's the stories is. Anyway' i Draw this its for your Birthday. Takes maybe 2weeks to finish it up. Not quite sure i am doing this right or wrong but i promised you I'll give u when comes to your birthday. A promises is a promise, and i keep it. But i guess you don't remember; its okay. Its kinda hard to find a way, gave to you alone or tell you the gift actually. Because you are always busy and playing around with others. Its not i mean you cannot lah!

Abit more touch up, and its done.

This is the funny part. Dont know where can i find this word on my mind. HAHA

Almost done.

By the way! SUYEE!

i will miss you! all the best in miri :(

so sad to see you go!

waiting for u to come back on ur holiday.

Gor girlfriend. Almost 2year ;) all the best guys!

We have one more picture gather together all of us that day.

I dint have time to take from them. Sucks. its in alan place. Asked them soon. :P

EVERYTHING is in pain.

2011-07-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

Great. Just perfect. I am trying to woke up early today and yea i did. But traffic fucking jam. Late arrive class 5 or 10mins late. Miss dint give us to enter the class. Not only for me, others too. WTF" Yes. i know its my fault too. But some part also the lecturer fault because she change the time in morning class. Suppose to be in d afternoon. I am tired. Trying to get through with this. Sometime i just want to quit the college. Doesn't help me anything rather than wasting their time always play with jocks in class. I dont know. I learn a lot from my part time working in kitchen than in college school.

Now still wasting my time doing nothing. Im in library, waiting time to pass fast. Wish i could sleep for awhile. Miss my lovely purple bed so much in a second of time! EVERYTHING is in pain. Seriously! :( Darn. Yesterday felt like HELL in kitchen. My fingers in pain cause of excellently cut, some part cuts a small cut and one all through my skin. My arm pain because i fall down that day on Thursday when i having kitchen class in Demo3. Theres water on the floor and d oil too. I fall all the way down the stairs, my back bone is in pain too! If i dint force my arm to stop it, i think my head will be in trouble as well. Even my eye. Something grow inside my eye and its pain! Came back from penang is in seriously tired too, with my muscle pain. Just great right. My life its just perfect. In personal' =,= *just great!*

Stab me.

2011-07-10T09:52:00.001-07:00

Its only a piece of shit. I know. Real Thanks!

Kind of staying away.

2011-07-08T10:34:00.001-07:00

Its okay. Just as i thought. Its better to give you the gift earlier rather than you might get much more busy on that day. Happy Birthday.